Before we clench another notch and step into the lane of oncoming traffic that is 2022, let’s first recall the moment-defining stories (spoiler: little was good) and wackiest episodes of the dumpster fire that was 2021.
January: 2nd Wave Hits
The COVID second wave that had emerged weeks earlier at a seafood market southwest of Bangkok exploded after the holiday travel period. On Jan. 6, quarantine mandates were imposed for domestic travel from Bangkok and 27 other provinces deemed high-risk under a new color-coded system.
Because pine trees are precisely what draws the cheap charlies to Khaosan Road, City Hall unveiled a makeover that extinguished its chaotic charm or sterilized its worst excesses, depending on your point of view. At least the weather was great.
February: Stop Asian Hate
The senseless murder of an elderly Thai man in San Francisco sparked outrage and put into focus the rise in violence worldwide against Asians, in part due to the pandemic’s origin in China. Vicha Ratanapakdee, 84, was on a morning walk when a young man charged and barreled into him at full speed. Vicha, who was in California helping care for his grandson, died after falling and hitting his head.
Closer to home, a dude was served a roach leg by a quarantine hotel which then sued him for complaining about it.
March: Towel-throwing
The economic consequences of long months of lockdown and closed borders began exacting terrible tolls on businesses. Many places threw in the towel, from bars and restaurants to an indie movie house and Siam Square’s 30-year-old Hard Rock Cafe.
What we lost in 2021, Bangkok edition
To honor the sacred and traditional Thai holiday of St. Patrick’s Day, Wat Arun was turned green because; nope, it still makes no sense.
April: The dam breaks
The seeds of Thailand’s third wave of infections, a tsunami dwarfing what came before, were apparently planted at some downtown boobie bars. While the unwashed masses were being told to cool their jets and drink at home, some top officials exercised their VVIP status by mixing it up with young babes at venues in Thonglor and Ekkamai. Privilege: Use it or lose it. A famous former pimp-politician-provocateur all but said who dunnit.
Thankfully, a really big reptile came along to rampage through our hearts as he made short work of the milk aisle at a Bangkok 7-Eleven. Oh, and transborder hostilities erupted anew over a fish costume.
May: Vaccine fever
As the pain piled up at the cost of more Bangkok institutions, a sour feeling spread through the immigrant community with the realization that they would be last in line for vaccination despite repeated assurances everyone would be treated equally.
A beauty took a stand; the status quo didn’t like it.
June: A new hope
While the third wave raged, a ray of hope emerged for the critical tourism sector with plans to reopen certain areas to vaccinated travelers. Enter the “sandbox.” Up first was Phuket, where despite some predictable own-foot-shooting via a chaotic and confusing rollout, the venture was moderately successful and provided a better way back into the country. Reverting to his dictator tendencies, PM Prayuth Chan-ocha abruptly vowed to reopen everything by mid-October.
Setting a new petty low, the BTS Skytrain hardened its pay wall by forbidding people from handing things across the ticket gate. Some gruel-eating, archduke-assassinating eastern Europeans insulted Thai women volleyballers with a crude racist gesture and then doubled down with the ole’ “sorry you were offended.”
July: Dire days
The fit hit the proverbial shan in July as the daily infection rate raced above 10,000 and Bangkok was told to stay at home. Overwhelmed hospitals turned people away and people isolating sick at home were promised help that never came. Two girls who watched their mom die in bed were shipped to an orphanage. Things got so bad that corpses were seen left unattended in the streets. Rather than promise to do better, thin-skinned officials said it was “fake news.”
Envious haters were so enraged by the sight of a monk gliding serenely on his DIY electric trolley that they took it away from him.
August: Law enforcers, murderers?
It took something more awful than the toll of COVID, which peaked mid-August at more than 23,000 daily cases, to come along and steal the spotlight. A police chief was caught on tape suffocating a man to death inside his station in the central province of Nakhon Sawan. The whistleblower who leaked the footage said his boss, Thitisan Utthanaphon, was trying to extort money from the man. Thitisan said he was trying to scare information out of the man, a suspect in a drug-related crime, to protect society because drugs are bad. Top national brass quickly mobilized to protect the cop who was nicknamed “Joe Ferrari” for his extensive fleet of luxury cars no cop salary could afford. Thitisan last month pleaded not guilty to a murder charge and is awaiting trial behind bars.
Popyuth was August’s source of desperately needed chuckles. The perpetually prickly and brooding PM got mad about a time-waster game that mocked his failure to remain upright.
September: Lisa reigns
While September was not lacking for events of gravitas, its biggest splash came from the Thai member of outrageously successful Kpop band Blackpink. Lalisa “Lisa” Manobal released her self-titled MV vehicle showcasing her fame. Insipid lyrics and surprisingly dubious production values aside, it ignited a national fever. Coconuts turned 10!
A moon landing was staged in Khon Kaen in a creative form of protest. The world stopped churning for a heartbeat to appreciate Bangkok’s taxi rooftop garden, photos of which looked ripped from The Last of Us, The Road, or anything else from our apocalypse-obsessed imaginations. The last great movie palace was doomed to becoming a mall.
October: Russelmania and the great reopening
Suddenly remembering his June promise to reopen the fuck out of everything, Prayuth holdmybeer’ed the nation once again by jumping on TV to announce that borders would be reopened to vaccinated travelers from 10 nations. It was clear few had vetted this; the plan’s wisdom was openly questioned by some of his reliable allies. Yet soon enough, Thailand Pass and Test & Go would enter the pandemic lexicon as the details were sorted ex post facto.
Perhaps more than anything, that whole Russell Crowe thing happened.
Officials admitted to some magical thinking, aka lying, that Lisa would play Phuket on NYE after the Blackpink superstar issued a loud public denial.
November: Life returns
The trickle of tourists grew into a bigger trickle when borders sealed over 18 months partially reopened to vaccinated travelers. Things were looking up, places reopened and life flooded back into the streets. Traveling one kilometer was suddenly a trial worthy of Odysseus, again. While most bars operated below the radar, a preliminary Jan. 16 reopening date was floated. Two days before month’s end, travel restrictions were imposed in a futile bid to head off a new viral mutation designated Omicron.
Eager to show they’re not all murderous thugs, the police force reminded everyone again that they are the thin brown line protecting society from “shameless” women. Scala theater? They demolished it. Saved nothing.
December: Here we go again?
And here we are. As quickly as hope returned along with office commutes and killer traffic, the dominoes fell to Omicron anxiety. By Dec. 21, new tourism had been suspended, the walls started coming back up and everyone was told to prepare to stay home again after the holidays. Heading into New Year’s Eve, people are watching the growing number of Omicron cases and wondering if 2022’s movie will be Shitshow III or Pandemic: Endgame.
The highest court quashed hopes for marriage equality with a ruling that seemed copied from notes on the worst excesses of retrograde homophobia.
But thank the Buddha for Khon Kaen, which gave us a giant penis-shaped break from the drumbeat of doom. Find where it is here and go hug the one that suits you. Bangkok got a new canal park, but not everyone’s sure it was a good idea.
January: TBD!
That’s our story for 2021. Watch this space as our New Year’s resolution is to continue telling Bangkok’s story in the same uncompromising and fun way we’ve been doing since 2011.
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