Culinary Monstrosities: Oreo rice edition

Oh dear, if only we could go back to simpler, quainter times, where MPs with a predilection of throwing together the contents of a wayward Chopped basket into a frying pan, cooking it up, and calling it dinner (dessert?) ruled our Twitter feed.

Alas, it’s 2019, and people are out here for themselves only — which is about the only way that we can explain this stomach-churning dessert (dinner?): Oreo rice.

What the what?

Yes, take Oreo cookies who deserved better, crush into some milk that meant well, heat with the life force that grew our civilization as we know it but is now used to nefarious ends, and mix in this part of the world’s staff of life (rice!), and you have a dish that one man alleges is sedap (delicious).


It seems that the internet is in mutual conflict with this claim, with followers wondering where this Malaysian man’s head was at, and also — you know — WTF.

And while we sit here, recoiling in a swivel chair, one of the darker moments of the 2000s comes to mind: Way back in a mid-2000s New York City, when Spencer Pratt ruled reality TV, and Williamsburg was still affordable, a cruel human in Nolita took over, and began operating a shop that sold rice puddings, in as many flavors as Baskin-Robbins has ice creams.

It’s called Rice to Riches, you can still find (avoid?) it today on Spring Street and we’ve never quite gotten over the indignity of the pure and wholesome rice grain getting given the rum raisin treatment.

Oreo rice, you may have a home.


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