We have seen a lot of shocking viral stories from Indonesia over the years, but one we saw recently disturbed us, not just because of the story itself —- which was already extremely problematic — but also for the way it was covered by all of the Indonesian media outlets that we saw report on it.
We have decided not to include too many specifics about the story because it involves a young woman who was underage for the vast majority of it, but in broad strokes here it is: A middle school teacher and his former student got married after seven years of dating. He was her science teacher in 2011, when she would’ve still been around 13 years old (based on the birthday provided in her Facebook profile) and he would’ve been around 27. They started dating soon after he was no longer her teacher, a courtship that is well documented on their social media accounts. Recently, she graduated from high school and the two got married.
Here’s one sample post from the teacher regarding their relationship posted shortly before their wedding:
7 years have passed …
God arranges things so beautifully, …
And now
somehow, the last 2 weeks felt so long.
My heart is still flowering
I still imagine
she’s just a sweet little girl, 😘
I used to think there was something wrong with this,
I just know …
This is part of a great plan …
Thank You GOD 🙏
So… do we have to explain what is wrong with this? Well, if you work for the Indonesian media, perhaps we do, since just about every other news outlet that covered this story chose to frame it, not as the story of a teacher’s extremely inappropriate behavior towards his student, but as an inspirational tale of true romance overcoming the challenges . Here are a few examples:
From Brilio, one of Indonesia’s most popular viral news site:
The plan was arranged by God. Since 2011 they became close and started dating, at that time [she] was still in the second grade of junior high school. From that moment both of became more intimate and forgot about their status as student and teacher. They became more comfortable as a couple. This can be seen from the intimate photos uploaded to [his] Facebook account.
From Wolipop, the entertainment section of Detik, Indonesia’s most trafficked news site:
Their struggle for love bore sweet fruit. Seven years later, right after [she] graduated from high school, they were officially married. [She] grew up to be a beautiful girl while [he] is also still youthful. Both look harmonious as husband and wife.
And in a glowing interview with Tribun Manado titled “Jodoh di Tangan Tuhan Ini Kisah Guru Menikahi Mantan Muridnya Ketika SMP” (“Marriage in the hand of God, this is the story of the teacher that married her former middle school student”), the teacher is quoted by the writer as saying, “So far, there are many obstacles that we faced in establishing our relationship. But thank God, God always intervenes.”
We could go on, but you get the idea. Out of the dozen or so versions of this story we saw on Indonesian news sites, we could not find a single story that questioned the teacher’s actions or implied there might be something wrong with them.
None of them contacted somebody from, say, Komnas Perempuan (the National Commission for Violence Against Women) to get their take on the story. But we did. We asked Mariana Amiruddin, commissioner for Komnas Perempuan, who was already familiar with the story, to give us her opinion as one of Indonesia’s leading women’s right’s activists.
“The age of the child should have been taken into account especially in terms of sexual relations. The problem [with judging this story] is that we don’t know the context of their relationship when they were still dating, whether or not they overstepped sexual boundaries.”
Which is a fair point. We have no idea what, if any, boundaries the teacher may have crossed in the seven years he was dating his young, impressionable former student. But as Mariana went on to say:
“But still, teachers ethically shouldn’t date their students anyway. There is no law in Indonesia [forbidding adults from dating underage children], only laws that regulate minimum age for marriage. This case falls more into ethics. Even university professors who date their students could lose their jobs.”
Indeed, even if their entire courtship was perfectly chaste, how could nobody have any problem with the ethics of a middle school teachers openly dating his very young former student?
As for the way the Indonesian media handled it, Mariana said, “We regret that the media turned this into an inspirational story. By not asking whether this is appropriate or not, the media plays a role in normalizing inappropriate relationships like this.”
Unfortunately, the media often acts as a reflection of society. In the case of this viral story, almost all of the other articles about it included numerous quotes from commenters on social media congratulating the couple on their marriage, saying they had been blessed by God, saying what a great match they were etc etc.
The problem is much bigger than the media, but the media could play an important role in changing mindsets and asking important (or just plain obvious) questions. But as Mariana told us, the media in Indonesia is instead perpetuating a patriarchal worldview that is dangerous to women with articles like the ones above.
“[The media] has a long way to go in its treatment of women. They assume that if a woman has reached puberty they can be seen as sexual objects. There’s this patriarchal imagination [in the media] that women are objects, should be virgins, etc. They see women as sexual creatures.”
Please, Indonesian media, you have to start doing better than this.
Read also: It’s time the Indonesian media stopped using the term ‘cantik’ to refer to female victims
