[The following is satire. We’d like to just presume the content would make it obvious, but these days, you never can tell.]
Reports of a white, motorbike-driving foreigner allegedly leaving a trail of white privilege along the streets of Yangon have driven a wedge into the city’s electric bike-driving community.
E-bikes fall into a legal loophole in Yangon, where fuel-powered motorbikes have been banned for mysterious reasons since 2003. Electric bikes with pedals are labelled as bicycles on import documents, making them technically legal to drive in some parts of Yangon.
Some e-bikers fear the sudden interest in the identity of a single two-wheel vehicle enthusiast will trigger a public backlash against all two-wheel enthusiasts. Others, however, have praised the White Rider for drawing attention to the need for sensible transportation policies in Myanmar’s busiest city.
In the anti-White Rider camp is Chester Quint, 34, a roller derby instructor from Phoenix who has identified as a white e-bike rider for over a year.
“Implying that my use of a moped is somehow related to white privilege is exactly the kind of reverse racism I’ve come to expect from the liberal media in this country,” Quint said. “I need my electric scooter because I refuse to do business with cab drivers who unjustly charge me more than the correct fair. Why should I have to pay more than a local just because I earn more than 1,200 percent times the average annual income?”
The white specter of fear inspired by the story of the White Rider has even driven some white e-bike riders to abandon their identities and go underground.
“There’s no way I want to end up in a Burmese court house just because I believe in the merits of battery power,” said Cliff Chase, 28, a Banksy impersonator from Seattle. “I sold my bike to a gang of youths in Thaketa last night, and they rode off out east saying they wanted to see how far they could go on a single charge.”
However, there are those in the white e-biker community who see the White Rider as a hopeful glimpse of what Yangon could be if designed in the image of the White Rider herself.
“As a former e-bike rider, reading the story of the White Rider made me hopeful knowing there are heroes out there who are willing to put themselves on the line for the greater good of efficient and modern transportation options,” said Carl Hayte, 56, author of Where the Wild Things Used to Be. “I miss my dear battery-powered beauty, and live in the hope that one day I will again own one just like it.”
To Edwin Nippleberg, 26, a Bernie bro from Boulder, the White Rider is a savior – the only white person since 2003 who has stood up to Yangon’s four-wheel supremacist policies.
“Committed to two wheels, the White Rider is a symbol of freedom and true justice to other riders,” he said. “In a city paralyzed by car traffic, dystopian road rules, and SLORC-era civilian informants, the White Rider gallops fearlessly, bucking the authoritarian overlords, gliding effortlessly through our grid-locked city.”
What will Yangon’s white e-bikers do if the White Rider’s newfound fame leads to new restrictions on driving while white?
Said Mitch Bromney, 44, a reggae artist from Cleveland: “We’ll take a knee.”
