[WARNING: SPOILER ALERT]
Believe it or not, some folks simply can’t stand the World Cup.
Their Facebook feeds get hijacked by status updates and memes they don’t understand. It’s hard to hang out with friends who are too busy sleeping in the day time after watching the matches in the wee hours of the morning. Fellow colleagues get medical certs to rest at home all of a sudden, especially when the quarterfinals begin. And, it’s tougher to find decent pubs that screen Wimbledon instead of the World Cup.
They don’t understand what the fuss is all about. Anyway, all the matches are rigged by some Singaporean match-fixing syndicate, right? So, why bother? Okay okay, I’m kidding about that match-fixing thingy. But you get the picture.
When I was a kid, I liked playing the game with the kids in the neighbourhood but I lost interest quickly. That is, until I saw Diego Armando Maradona killing it at the 1986 World Cup. I became a ‘ball-again’ believer.
Football (it’s not called soccer and never should be) is called the beautiful game because it’s poetry on a field, except when England plays. And, it’s not because you get to check out mercury raising Brazilian women in high definition thanks to eagle-eyed cameramen. It’s a sport that unites people from all over the world. It’s a cliché but it’s true.
When I was in Paris at an Algerian restaurant, I mentioned Zinedine Zidane. An extra plate of couscous was plopped on my table – for free. In a Russian pub, the gnarly looking bartender had a permanent frown on his face and was further pissed off when I changed my order of beer at the last minute. I asked him if he was a Spartak Moscow fan. He wasn’t, but at least he smiled and I don’t think he spat in my beer. Well, maybe just a little bit.
In Singapore, the government has done really well in organising many match screenings all over the island at community clubs. They’ve managed to bring together people from all walks of life. And fans at these venues are witnessing one of the best World Cup tournaments ever with so many goals and upsets. It’s a win-win situation for all.
Football is not just about what happens on the pitch. It’s about colourful characters and the allegiances and the old gods (and perhaps soon, the new gods) governing the global game. It’s about pride and passion and money and greed and cunning strategies and moments of brilliance that defy laws of physics. It’s about life.
Perhaps, injecting a little Game of Thrones logic into the World Cup may bring on a bit of football fever for those who can’t be bothered about the beautiful game – yet.
King Joffery – Sepp Blatter, FIFA President
Many want the 78-year-old FIFA president to make way for new blood in the organisation. But it looks like he wants to carry on at the top. Under Blatter’s leadership, FIFA has been under heavy criticism over alleged corruption. The recent controversy and bribery allegations surrounding Qatar’s winning bid to host the 2022 World Cup has thrown the spotlight again on how FIFA does its business. Joffrey Baratheon would do anything to stay in power. Often feared by everyone around him, the young king made decisions randomly and seemed to enjoy being cruel at times. He certainly wasn’t well liked.
Jaime Lannister – Chile
Chile, hardly noticed by many before the tournament, just created one of the biggest upsets in World Cup history since that bizarre USA win over Italy at the 1950 World Cup , which coincidentally also took place in Brazil. Chile beat Spain 2-0, and in the process knocked out the defending champions of the World Cup. In other words, they just slayed the current kings of football and drove the final nail into the tiki-taka era. Jaime Lannister, who is also known as the Kingslayer, slashed the throat of the mad king, Aerys II Targaryen, who wanted to burn down King’s Landing so that Robert Baratheon would be “king over charred bones and cooked meat” when he eventually took over.
The Red Wedding – Spain vs The Netherlands
The Red Wedding was a massacre of epic proportions. When good old Ned was executed at the end of the first season, it came as a surprise. But the Red Wedding was a complete mind-bending shocker. Many of those you rooted for died. They fell shockingly. No one expected it all, very much like when the Oranje obliterated the Spaniards in their first match at the finals, making tapas out of them as they took their siesta in Brazil.
Tyrion Lannister aka The Imp – Diego Maradona/ Lionel Messi
Both Argentine strikers are short, just like Tyrion. The shorter height gives them a lower centre of gravity, allowing them to zig-zag past defenders effortlessly. Maradona aced it at the 1986 World Cup in Mexico, becoming the greatest footballer in the world at the time. Messi sure has the skills. We’ve seen it at the league level but he’s yet to really shine at the World Cup stage. Yes, yes… we know that he has scored two memorable goals so far. Messi is well-loved by many around the world just like how Tyrion is adored by millions. Both of them have a knack for getting out of tight corners.
Drogon – Robin van Persie
Drogon is one of the dragons belonging to Daenerys Targaryen. Drogon, just like any other dragon, can fly. And so can the Dutch striker. Have you seen his astonishing diving header against Spain? It even started a viral Internet movement – #persieing.
Sansa Stark – Phil Neville
Sansa Stark must be the most boring person in the seven realms. Sometimes you just want to shake her and tell her to do something cool. Phil Neville must be the most boring football commentator in the seven realms. Sometimes you just want to shake him and tell him to do something cool. In fact, he’s so boring that quite a number of football fans have complained to the BBC. Watch the video below. It’s how Neville would probably sound if he were to commentate on a Game of Thrones scene.
Brienne of Tarth – Guillermo Ochoa
Brienne was Catelyn Stark’s protector. And what an honourable protector she was. Truly a woman of her word, Brienne would do whatever it takes to protect the ones she is tasked to take care of –much like Mexico’s superhuman custodian Guillermo Ochoa. He was on top form to deny Brazil a single goal on their own turf.
________________ – Wayne Rooney
So, which Game of Thrones character matches Wayne Rooney? When it comes to Rooney, I agree with the folks who made the video below. It’s a delight to watch and was the main inspiration for this blog post in the first place. Check it out.
Biter – Luis Suarez
Remember when Arya Stark sort of rescued Biter when he was caged together with Jaqen H’ghar and Rorge? Anyway, his name is Biter and Suárez loves to bite people, it seems. Do I need to continue?
Who does your favourite footballer remind you of in the seven realms? Sound off in the comments below!
Satish Cheney is a freelance journalist who writes for various international publications. He hopes to complete his Panini World Cup sticker book soon. He can be reached via @SatishCheney
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