Living in Singapore can be tough. Not sure how to behave in an awkward situation? Ask Auntie P at singapore@coconuts.co and learn a couple of handy Peranakan expressions along the way.
Dear Auntie P, is there anything I can do about the very loud and often extremely painful to hear “horking” noise of other people re-ingesting their mucous — instead of blowing their nose? It is agonising to hear, and extremely rude as well.
The most Peranakan thing to do is to offer them a tampui, or spitoon, which we Nyonyas always spit our sireh or betel leaves into after chewing. One can choose from a myriad of colored enamel or porcelain spittoons which will surely astound your “horker” friends to telan or swallow their mucous silently without a squeak. But, alas, if you don’t have a spittoon on hand, the next best thing Aunty suggests is to offer him a kana asam, or sour plum. It’s tough sucking on a kana seed and horking at the same time.
Dear Auntie P, my friend likes to remind me to save up for my future. But whenever we see each other, we end up at a nice restaurant and either he “isn’t really hungry” and picks on my food, or says he left his wallet at home. I end up paying and thinking how his share could instead go into my savings. What do I do?
A friend in need is a friend indeed. Alamak! He ask you to save and then he makan your food. What kind of a friend is this? The solution is simple, my dear. Ask him don’t be kaypo or nosey and mind his own bank account, not yours. And for you, once bitten, twice shy. Why you are still going for meals with him? Aunty thinks you deserve it.
Dear Auntie P, I shouted at our forwarder because our cargo has been stuck in Customs for three weeks. I told the account representative that it was his job to make sure they’re released ASAP, then replied that I had no right to tell him how to do his job. So I shouted at him over and over, “It’s your job! It’s your job! It’s your job!” He hung up the phone. That same night, the products finally were delivered. Was I wrong or did that guy really need that nudge?
Tsk tsk, never shout at a service staff. It is definitely tak seronoh, or uncouth behaviour, for a well-raised Peranakan. If logic and reasoning don’t work, use divine intervention. Aunty would have told him the contents belongs to your dead grandmother and you are sending it to be burnt so that she will have her belongings in the next life. The items will be delivered faster than you can say oh mak pochok, an expression of shock we Peranakans always use.
Dear Auntie P, when I arrived home the other day, the three-year-old son of my housemates was all alone, sleeping in the master bedroom. When the nanny surfaced an hour later, she explained that she just went out for a quick bite. Is it my place to inform my housemates?
Easy one, sayang dear. The golden rule applies: Do unto others what you would want unto you. If your housemate witnessed the same scenario with your son and your nanny, what would you have wanted her to do?
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