As Najib Razak buckles down for the first day of his most significant trial in the 1MDB financial scandal, his lawyer, Muhammad Shafee Abdullah, is more concerned not only with the laundry list of charges his client is facing — which include, but are not limited to, hundreds of millions of allegedly siphoned off dollars flowing into his personal bank account — he’s also worried about his client’s comfort, namely just how much cushion there is for Najib to sit on.
You see, those cold, hard benches of justice just don’t sit well with our fallen former leader.
“You guys are in the audience,” he told a scrum of reporters at a Tuesday evening press conference outside the Kuala Lumpur Court Complex.
“You have got a layer of cushion. You sit there for the whole day. Even then, I am told by … [Ed. Note: sorry we didn’t catch who readers] he says, he says he’s got pain in his ass.”
Yes reader, while we didn’t quite catch the name of who was feeling sore after the hours long proceedings, we do know that the man currently representing the former PM on the 42 counts of graft he is currently on trial over has no problem telling reporters about pains in the a**.
“It’s quite hard,” he continued. “You imagine, just sit down there for one hour. Sit down there on a PLANK [Ed. Note: A bit hyperbolic, Jack Sparrow. It’s a bench.] for hours … I invite you to sit for one hour, as young as you are, your buttocks are more fleshy than Dato Sri Najib. Just see if you can handle it.”
Right, now does the hours-long bench sit come with the (alleged!) millions that were (allegedly!) siphoned off into our personal accounts? If so, just point us to whatever piece of driftwood you’d like us to chill on, thanks!
Shafee then went on to claim that the courts were already punishing his client with the uncomfortable seating, saying that he was innocent until proven guilty. And apparently, innocent people get cushions, ya hear?!
“Most of my clients, that I defend, are young people,” Shafee informed reporters. “But Dato Sri Najib is in his 60s, you know — his buttock doesn’t have that much flesh.”
And that concludes today’s venture into TMI news. Stay tuned for tomorrow, when someone will undoubtedly share their toe fungus woes to an unwitting public.