Ah, reader – where as a populace did we go wrong? Our nation’s most notorious floating symbol of greed and (alleged!) embezzlement, Jho Low’s former Equanimity Tranquility, will be the site of Kylie Jenner’s 22nd birthday party, and none of us are invited.
The indignity of 1MDB just rages on, amirite?!
First, we (allegedly!) graciously gave our 1MDB loose change to Martin Scorsese, so he could make his Oscar-nominated film The Wolf of Wall Street.
Did any of us (save for film financier slash under investigation 1MDB embezzler Riza Aziz) get a plus one to the Golden Globes? No.
Then, we threw some more of that (alleged!) sovereign wealth fund money intended for the betterment of our nation at helping poor human bao, Jho Low, buy himself a superyacht, so he could impress his friends and maybe get laid (‘sup, Miranda Kerr) when they were all aboard the 300-foot floating monstrosity formerly known as the Equinamity.
Did any of us get to land our helicopters on that helipad? Tak.
Instead, we had to watch for a few years as Jho used it to sail around the area, evading justice, until it was finally seized by authorities, and impounded by the Malaysian government.
Any hopes that we would be able to throw a rager on board were dashed this year when the boat went on the chopping block at auction, and was sold well below market value to gaming scions, The Genting Group, for a cool US$126 million. It had been valued at US$250 million.
Now, gossip portal of filth and trifling celebrity spottings, TMZ, is reporting that Kylie Jenner will be renting it for a week, to the tune of US$1.2 million, so she and her friends (NOT JORDYN THO) can sail around the Mediterranean, taking photos of themselves, and Facetuning them to each other’s delight.
Our favorite yacht accommodates up to 22 guests, with 10 cabins, a sauna, beauty salon, theater, steam room, hot tub, swimming pool, and aforementioned helipad, and a 29-person crew to make sure everyone is all settled in.
Maybe if they’re lucky, someone in the crew can point out where Miranda Kerr left a sweat stain.
And that’s all the bathos we have for today. Hit us up tomorrow for more miserable laughs.
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