I ate Burger King’s ‘real cheese burger’ and now must warn you

Photo: Nicky Tanskul / Coconuts
Photo: Nicky Tanskul / Coconuts

Bangkok has, once again, a new weird fast food offering designed more for clicks than licks, and today I have returned from the processed cheesy mess to confirm that you must be entirely insane to finish Burger King’s Real Cheese Burger.

If this sounds familiar, I survived its quirky Chocolate Whopper in January, which was also a joke meal. But nothing could prepare me for this cheesy monstrosity. If the Choco Burger was the final boss, this is the super secret final boss to attain the good ending. Except, there was nothing good about it.

So, from the Things-We-Never-Asked-For Department comes Burger King’s latest “I dare you” meal.

What is so authentic about this cheeseburger to be deemed “real?” Without an actual burger, the answer is “nothing.” It consists of just two buns sandwiching 20 slices of American cheese. Yes, you can masticate 20 slices hastily stacked on top of each other for the nice price of THB109. 

Unwrapping it, I dove in with the enthusiasm of a man with nothing to lose. You may think the cheese is at least grilled, but nope. Little preparation was done. The staff has just stacked processed cheese. Preparation done.

How does it taste? Pretty awful. It was the driest burger I’ve ever tasted because there was no sauce and no meat patty. I felt a bit sick to my stomach at the amount of processed cheese I was consuming. No human should ever eat this much dyed yellow cheese at once.

I mustered for another two bites. I think I’m blind. No more please.

I can only assume that huffing nitrous balloons is what passes as a product development meeting at Burger King. 

Photo: Nicky Tanskul / Coconuts

It’s clear they don’t actually consider it fit for human consumption. Despite being heavily promoted via social media, my nearest Burger King didn’t even bother displaying it on the menu.

“Do you have the Real Cheeseburger?” I said.

Mee ka,” said an employee with utter conviction. To sweeten the unappetizing deal, she sympathetically offered to add two measly slices of bacon for an additional THB25 (four for THB50!).

I declined as this real burger needed to be tasted in its truest form.

The fact that it took under 30 seconds for my order to arrive was telling. Were they efficient or did it just require minimal effort? I’m inclined to go with the latter because it came in a standard Cheeseburger wrapper with the word “REAL” scrawled across it.

Kudos to anyone who can finish this atrocity. The people who approved this should be hanged and quarter-poundered.

I ate Burger King’s new chocolate hamburger so you don’t have to

Photo: Nicky Tanskul / Coconuts


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