Singapore, have we got your attention? In the early hours of Monday morning, Twitter user Ray uploaded a series of clips from the Instagram account of @lucasohhh, who managed to record the fantastical incident and post it to his stories.
Before we go on any further, behold:
https://twitter.com/itsrayy_x/status/1122564625441013760?s=19
Right. Have you taken it in?
Act II – a duel.
We’re going to assume that we walked into this live performance after it had already started, missing Act I, all the rising action and getting in somewhere closer to the climax. What could have caused two grown-assed men to start flailing at each other on the streets of Singapore?
One man’s weapon is a potted plant; the other, an almighty recorder, just like you used to play in elementary school. The pen is mightier than the sword, but is the recorder more powerful than a heavy-bottomed shrub?
No one manages to get a shot in, but there’s a lot of muffled shouting back and forth, and also, someone humming the Game of Thrones intro as they film.
Student Lucas told Coconuts Singapore that the fight began over a staring incident between the two men, leading to the duo shouting at each other, but each in a different language. Our musician was the first to throw down, allegedly pushing the second man into the potted plant, which quickly became his choice of weapon.
Act III – the police arrive to restore order.
Two officers finally arrived and approached the only suspect standing in front of the camera, our battle-ready fifer, attempting to talk him down, at a distance.
By this time, the suspect has found a bottle of alcohol, and is holding it in his other hand. Recorder in one hand, booze in the other — a modern-day Jim Morrison, in you will.
Act IV – music you can get arrested to.
Like a Spartan heading into battle, our protagonist uses his recorder not to physically attack the officers, but instead to assault their ears, with a squeaky rendition of a song we’ve never heard, but assume is real.
Momentarily the officers sit entranced, eyes glazed over as they are serenaded by high-pitched, breathy squeaks. Could our 2019 green Power Ranger be casting a spell? When will he get to Hot Crossed Buns?
Act V – tackled ‘n cuffed.
Suddenly, the sweet sounds of the recorder were spellbinding no more; our fifer was unceremoniously tackled by the oncoming army of officers (two middle-aged men), and subsequently handcuffed.
And so, our saga ends. We’ve reached out to the original Instagram poster for comment – hopefully we can understand the question that we ask ourselves every gosh darn day: How the hell did we get here?
