Recently, SMRT sunk in an estimated $20 million to add a new arsenal in their bus service training centre — full-fledged bus-driving simulators.
Not unlike flight simulators, the eight full cabin simulators artificially recreate the driving experience for trainees using real-life images of local roads. The nifty machines designed by ST Electronics even look like SMRT buses, if you slice the cabin out and throw away the other portion.
“The simulators provide new captains the closest experience of driving a bus outdoors,” says chief bus captain Kwek Boon Chwee to The New Paper. “This would enable them to build up their confidence before going onto the roads.
But as it stands, these newfangled high-tech simulators aren’t high-tech enough. As new drivers will face as soon as they step out in the real world, here’s some of what their simulated training will definitely not prepare them for…
Piss, vomit and other bodily fluids
Count yourself lucky if you’ve never ever had to experience the sharp stenches of bodily discharge stinging your nostrils in your commute. For those who have, know that we stand in solidarity with you, in the memory of the gag reflexes that worked double hard to stop us from puking as well.
New bus drivers will just have to start getting used to it — through their illustrious career in the transportation service they’ll be picking up passengers who could be drunk or have poor bladder control (or God forbid, both) and it’s their job to deal with the nasty fluids and the nasty commuters.
Improvements to bus simulator:
Pipes at the back of the simulators that projectile spew either vomit or urine at random intervals. Pipes should ALWAYS spew vomit if the trainee carries out jerky driving or drives too fast.
Noisy, smelly schoolchildren
We say this with the best of intentions and with hearts full of love, school students: you just stink sometimes. We don’t blame you of course — you are after all undergoing puberty and those uniforms aren’t exactly made out of the most conducive material to combat body odour.
And as if our olfactory systems aren’t already wrecked with your youthful miasma, the intense conglomeration of your lot on the bus creates a massive wall of high-pitched voices that somehow seems to undo our best noise-isolation earphones. Bless your little hearts.
Improvements to bus simulator:
To simulate the noise, install concert-grade sound speakers in the cabin that progressively plays chaotic, overlayed conversations about fierce teachers, questions about homework, and rumours of who’s going out with who. Only start playing the noise at certain bus stops, especially the ones near schools.
To simulate the stench, collect the used PE attire of 30 willing student volunteers (especially the sweat-prone ones), and periodically chuck em at the back of the bus simulator.
Unruly, violent commuters
In a perfect universe, we wouldn’t have needed to create a whole campaign just to remind people not to physically abuse bus drivers. Alas, we don’t live in that utopia. Though incidents of punch-ups with the very folks who operate our buses have rarely been noticed in the past few years, it’s always good for new drivers to learn some specific self-defence skills, if only just in case they come across rough commuters.
Improvements to bus simulator:
Mandatory self-defence classes that arm trainees with the art of combat while seated in their cabins, and mandatory physical training to toughen up their upper body (waist up only). Also, mandatory watching of Speed for mental preparation.
Space invaders
No, not the video game. We’re talking about commuters who strongly believe that planets revolve around them and refuse to allow other passengers to board the bus by stubbornly refusing to move in. The ones who see the empty space beside them and think they are entitled to that circle of air around them — no one else can breach that bubble of privacy.
Improvements to bus simulator:
Mannequins or dummies that only move inch by inch towards the back of the bus. They will only move when the trainee manages to shout loud enough to reach the passing decibel scale (88 dB at least).
Hold ups
You know who they are. They’re often the over-friendly sort who either sits or stands directly beside the bus driver, trying to chat him/her up with unnecessary stories or questions. Or they could also be those whose EZ-Link cards don’t have enough value and try to sweet talk the jaded drivers into letting them pass “just this once”.
Improvements to bus simulator:
Hire actors that come up to the trainees driving the bus simulator. They will try their best to distract the trainee with inane questions about the weather, detailed exact directions about getting to a location and rantings about the government. Only those who can make it through the journey without blowing up will pass the module.
Photos: SMRT newsroom; Jonas Ahrentorp; Adam Chamness; SBS Transit; epSos.de; Mike Mozart
