Every once in a while, we get stuff delivered to our offices in Tiong Bahru. Brands wanting to get some sweet mention across the Coconuts network send their swag to us — be it glass mugs with #YOLO written on it, a giant crate that held only a single can of beer, or even live puppies with logos tattooed on their eyelids (ok maybe not that last one). In the spirit of crippling consumerism and good fun, we started a new series for our world-weary editor Ilyas to review these care packages every glorious time they arrive. This is one such story.
PR firms are pretty efficient in the process of dispatching swag, and this one was no different — the weary deliveryman was in front of our office doorstep 48 hours after confirming our address. In exchange for my signature, he handed me a hefty blue box, a piece of card and a minion-coloured tube, which turned out to be a… water blaster.
Thanks to Walls Singapore, we got a shipment of nostalgia in the form of Paddle Pop. But not just any Paddle Pop, kids, it’s the Paddle Pop Twister — a new genus that promises an EXPLOSIVE twist of flavour. And for some reason, the theme this Paddle Pop Twister took hold of was a nautical one. So that explains the water blaster.
Also, for yet another unknown reason, the Paddle Pop mascot is a lion Han Solo. Presumably wearing an A99 aquata breather — where’s his breathing apparatus? Marketing these days…
Because apparently we’re little kids, they gave us a backstory of the whole Atlantis Atlantos saga. Something about the land of Magilika and enchanting quests. I don’t remember being this invested in a $1.20 ice cream stick’s origin story back when I was a wee lad, but times have changed and maybe children need some lore tightly wound around their desserts.
I also don’t remember Paddle Pop ice creams being so damn miserly. Disregard that baseball bat-length Twister that lion Han Solo’s holding — the ice cream itself was as long as finger. A bite later and nearly half of it was gone. Bruh.
But gotta be honest though, the ice cream’s actually pretty good. Basically swirls of fruity cream and vanilla wrapped around a lime core, it speaks volumes through nature-plucked piquancies fused with wistful, childhood-laden flavours. Seeing that the Health Promotion Board (HPB) says it’s a healthier choice, I had two. I don’t even feel guilty ’bout it.
Tested the water blaster. Works as well as it should, but I don’t think we’ll be having wet t-shirt contests anytime soon in the office. It made an awesome splash on the mirror, so that could be what I’ll use it for. A Mirror Water Splasher.
Overall, I give it six-and-a-half popsicle sticks out of 10, mainly because free ice cream. It’s no Häagen-Dazs or Magnum (both of which we’ve received before and consumed in a week) but Paddle Pops are still pretty rad in their kid-friendly way. But what the hell were we supposed to do with the water blaster anyway — squirt molten ice cream into each other’s mouths?
Minus points for that, and a little bit more for the ice cream’s itsy-bitsy size. What is this, an ice cream serving for ants? It needed to be at least three times longer and wider. Props for scoring that HPB pyramid sticker and slapping it on the box though; we needed that assurance. Anyway, the Paddle Pop Twister is available at major supermarkets, convenience stores, petrol marts and mini-marts islandwide for $1.20 a pop.
