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Ask any woman what she expects of a man and being a “gentleman” frequently tops the list. So it’s no surprise that even the most incorrigible lads tend to make at least a bit of effort to behave like gentlemen. But not too much effort – about 4.5% is all that’s really necessary. Meet the 4.5% Gentleman: a guy who’s trying to do the right thing, just not very hard. At all. A series of ads from Magners Irish Cider brings this type to life, with pretty hilarious results.
But what about you, dear Coconuts Singapore reader? Are you a true Singapore gentleman, a 4.5% Gentleman, or a cast-iron, unreconstructed reprobate? Take our quiz to find out.
1. You’ve just sat down in a trendy Tiong Bahru restaurant with five friends and you’re thirsty. There’s a jug of water and six empty glasses on the table. Do you:
A. Politely wait for someone else to pour out the water. (You have weak wrists.)
B. Pour everyone else a glass, then pour yourself one. It’s basic stuff.
C. Nudge the girl next to you, hold out a glass and loudly clear your throat.
2. There’s a puddle on the sidewalk from the latest monsoon storm. A lady wearing expensive heels is standing in front of it, fretting over how to get across without damaging her shoes. What do you do?
A. Offer her a piggyback. Then ask for her number.
B. Lay your coat over the puddle and gallantly usher her over with a smile.
C. Leap across the puddle, give her a wink and ostentatiously skip off down the sidewalk.
3. You’re in a convenience store buying groceries. There’s only one packet of bacon left in the frozen meats section. You realize the lady next to you is eyeing it too. Do you:
A. Grab the bacon and hand it to her. Use bacon as a talking point to hit on her.
B. Let her take it. You won’t get between a lady and her bacon.
C. Grab that bacon and move away, rapidly. It’s bacon we’re talking about here.
4. A woman is struggling to pull an enormous suitcase up a flight of stairs on the MRT. Do you:
A. Give her a sympathetic look that says, “I feel your pain,” but keep walking. Time is money!
B. Carry the case up the stairs, of course.
C. Look at her, say, “What is this, the North Face of K2?” and bound up the stairs, cackling.
5. It’s late in the evening and you’re in a park on a date and your date says she’s a little chilly. Do you:
A. Tell her, “I’d give you my jacket, but I think it’d clash with your blouse.” Shake your head sadly.
B. Give her your jacket, obviously.
C. Tell her, “My dear, you look cold. Next time wear something like this. It’s 100% alpaca wool.” Smile smugly.
6. You’re at a bus stop when a lady asks you for a light. Do you:
A. Give her a light. Then ask her for a cigarette.
B. Give her a light and a smile. You’re always ready to help a damsel in distress.
C. Tell her you don’t smoke, wait till she’s out of sight, then light up. Does she think matches grow on trees?
7. Do you hold doors open for ladies following behind you?
A. Sure! If they’re paraplegic.
B. Of course. What kind of a jerk do you take me for?
C. Nope. They’ve got arms, haven’t they?
8. You’re at Laneway Festival. You spot a girl who is too short to see the stage. What do you do?
A. Tell her what a great show she’s missing, make the “devil horns” hand gesture, turn round and rock out.
B. Offer to let her sit on your shoulders.
C. Tell her to invest in some stilts.
Mostly As
You make a slight effort to do the right thing, but you’re not going to bust a gut. You are a 4.5% Gentleman. Get yourself a pint of Magners Irish Cider to celebrate.
Mostly Bs
You are the consummate gentleman. In fact, you’re probably a psychopath. No one’s really this nice.
Mostly Cs
Wow, you just don’t give a shit, do you? If you have a girlfriend – which you probably don’t – we’re feeling very sorry for her right now.
