Dear Auntie P is a lighthearted advice column about living in Singapore. Got a question for Auntie P? Email her at singapore@coconuts.co.
Dear Auntie P, now that the GE is over and my sister’s chosen party has lost, I wish we could go back to having nice dinners at home. She had been very intense about her party during the campaign period, so much that she would shout at us and walk out of dinner whenever we did not agree with her arguments. We don’t want to gloat now that our party won (naturally) and hers lost, and all we want is for things to be business as usual. How?
The only party Bibik supports is the joget (dance party)! Learn from our ancestors, if British in power, drink English tea in the office but at home, eat sambal belachan with your hands. If PAP in power, make sure your white kebaya is white than white, or else sure kena hiam (criticise). Tell your sister it doesn’t matter which party win or lose, la. Don’t be terbiat (difficult) and suddenly chut pattern (start behaving strangely). Makan samal petai (stink beans) and release your steam off — literally.
Dear Auntie P, the haze is getting worse and consequently everyone around me in the office is either couging or sneezing. I feel bad for them that they don’t have antibodies as strong as mine, but what is the proper way for both of us to behave given we are sharing a common space. Also, what’s a good wardrobe for the haze season?
Wah, you are most caring aren’t you, feeling bad for your colleagues who don’t have strong antibody like yours? Since you share common space, share your antibodies too la! Sharing is caring….but of course, make sure you have your glamorous mask on still, just in case, and as in all things Peranakan, do be sure it’s got a tinge of batik or embroidery on them. Wardrobe for the haze season? Accesorise with sun shades, and a bottle of branded mineral water dear. It’s the accessories that says you are fashionista.
Dear Auntie P, I have been in my new office for two months now and my colleagues have this tradition of going for lunch together once a week. We are a group of 10 people, so to make things easy, bills are split equally. My problem is I don’t order appetisers or desserts. So I end up paying for other people’s. What should I do?
My dear, bring a tiffin carrier like the good old days….tapow (take home) what you don’t eat and then have it for dinner later. But if that’s too much for you, remember that Penanakans are taught to be at their best behavior, especially when they are in a new social environment. The last thing you want is someone to chakap pantat lu (talk behind your back) without you knowing. Join the lunch kakis (friends) as much as your finances can afford, observe who eats less, then invite that person for lunch the next day. Chances are everyone else will soon join you guys as they are probably feeling the same way!
Dear Auntie P, I’m new in town. Can you explain to me why the ladies at Raffles Place are dressed like they’re going clubbing on Monday 10am?
Peranakans always look their best, may it be 10am or 10pm. It’s in our genes. These ladies may appearing in clubbing attire has probably got to do something with the recent law about no alcohol after 10pm. In any case, as long as your sarong kebaya is the right length, don’t be a bloody kaypoh (busybody) about how others dress.
Got a question? Email Auntie P at singapore@coconuts.co.
Illustration: Praew Tansanga
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