We’re all about Pinoy humor and movies here at Coconuts Manila. Which is why this week we made the movie roundup extra special. Aside from your weekly dose of plot peeks and trailers we’re giving you a bit of commentary from best selling author Bob Ong! Okay, it’s not actually Bob Ong. We don’t really know him personally (I mean, who does?). Instead, we’re giving you what we think Bob Ong would say about this week’s movies.
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
Dir: Keneth Branagh (2014). USA, Russia. Chris Pine, Kevin Costner, Keira Knightley. MTRCB PG.
FEATURED TANDEM: The amazing Tom Clancy and critically acclaimed screenwriter Hossein Amini
BASED ON: Tom Clancy’s 1984 Jack Ryan mystery series.
SYNOPSIS: You can’t really go wrong with a classic Tom Clancy-based movie. I mean, his books alone are action packed and the film series have been known for its hunk starrers since the ’90 (think Alec Baldwin, Harrison Ford and Ben Affleck).
This year, however, the spy fiction is a reboot of previous movies and based on the original plot involving the Jack Ryan character hatched by Hossein Amini back in the ’90s.
Though Tom Clancy isn’t around anymore to witness the movie starring Chris Pine as Jack Ryan, were pretty sure he’d be more than happy to let the Pinoy audience see Pine as a young CIA agent. In the film, Jack uncovers a terrorist plot in Russia and tries to save his country and kidnapped lady love, played by Keira Knightley.
WATCH OUT FOR: Classic Tom Clancy literary awesomeness. He was part of the production of the said movie as a co-writer before his death in October.
WHAT BOB ONG WOULD SAY: Yung mga ganitong pelikula talagang exciting eh. May gwapong bida na may delikadong misyon tapos may hot na leading lady na maki-kidnap. Hindi pa nagagawa to! Sa sobrang original ng concept na ito hindi mo maiisip na ililigtas nung bida yung magandang babae at may malaking pagsabog tapos may kissing scene sa dulo…Pero anong malay natin? Hollywood naman ito diba? (For more details please read Lumayo Ka Nga Sa Akin.)
The Wolf of Wall Street
Dir: Martin Scorsese (2013). USA. Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Matthew McConaughey, Margot Robbie. MTRCB R-18.
FEATURED TANDEM: Superb director Martin Scorsese and parttime god Leonardo DiCaprio
BASED ON: The rise and fall of the ’90s New York stockbroker Jordan Belfort.
SYNOPSIS: Remember all those roles E.R. Ejercito played in his past MMFF entries? Apparently, he’s not the only one who likes playing roles of people with bad reps and turning them into cinema gold.
Even Leonardo DiCaprio is clamoring for real life bad chap roles such as Jordan Belfort, the infamous Long Island stockbroker who made a bajillion dollars from his self made company, Stratton Oakmont, earning him the title The Wolf of Wall Street.
How did he do it, you ask? Belfort defrauded his investors off a securities scam. His long list of victims included Steve Madden and he served more than 22 months in prison for stock fraud.
WATCH OUT FOR: A cameo of the real Jordan Belfort at the end of the movie where he introduces the great Leo DiCaprio.
BOB ONG SAYS: Tingin ko ito na yung role ni Leo na talagang magde-define sa pagiging aktor nya. Mas mahirap kasing umarte ma isang sikat na scammer kaysa magbabad sa malamig na tubig at kumapit sa papalubog na bangka. Anong malay natin, baka maawa na sa kaniya ang Academy.
Bride for Rent
Dir: Mae Czarina Cruz (2014). Philippines. Kim Chiu, Xiam Lim, Pilita Corales. MTRCB PG.
FEATURED TANDEM: Kim Chiu and Xian Lim (obviously because it’s almost Chinese New Year).
BASED ON: The long-forgotten artista search shows and the booming bride-to-order business in the country (just kidding).
SYNOPSIS: From playing weird starcrossed lovers in the yet-another-book-based movie Bakit Hindi Ka Crush ng Crush Mo, Kim and Xian now stars as fake newlyweds Rocky and Rocco in Bride for Rent.
The story centers on a guy who is looking for a pretend wife to get his hands on his mana with rules set by his Lola Lala, played by the effervescent Pilita Corales.
The two stages a wedding, tries to co-exist under one roof and finds themselves in a whirlwind of unprecedented kilig-tawa moments.
WATCH OUT FOR: Lots of adlibs! Director Mae Czarina Cruz said some of the funny lines on the trailer like “Isn’t it amazing? Isn’t it surprising? Isn’t it?” were improvised lines from Kim Chiu. Even the audition scenes were actually free reigned by the actors!
BOB ONG SAYS: Ah talaga nag-imbento sila ng lines nila?! Isn’t it amazing???
Grudge Match
Dir: Peter Segal (2013). USA. Sylvester Stallone, Robert De Niro, Jim Lampley. MTRCB PG.
FEATURED TANDEM: Our all-time favorite Hollywood action stars Sylvester Stallone and Robert De Niro.
BASED ON: Boxing rivalries and the lack of awesomely funny sports movies in the past years.
SYNOPSIS: Ever heard of a fight between two oldies in the boxing world? Probably not, but with the pace Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather’s negotiations are going, we might be seeing something like this in the far future.
Grudge Match is a sports comedy film about two retired boxing rivals who, after a viral YouTube video of them brawling outside the ring, decide to come back for a final fight. We’re actually getting so pumped up for this because the veteran lead actors have starred in box office breaking boxing films.
Stallone once played lead in Rocky while De Niro was in Raging Bull.
WATCH OUT FOR: Stallone’s next appearance on The Expendables 3 which is reportedly set to open this year. De Niro is also up for more films this year including The Intern where he plays a fashion line intern with Reese Witherspoon.
BOB ONG SAYS: Palagay ko bigatin ‘tong pelikulang ‘to! Isipin mo nalang, 67 years old na si Stallone at 70 na si De Niro! Kapag pinag-boxing mo yang dalawang yan para mo na ring hinamon sila Jaworski na bumalik sa court para sa isa na namang Crispa-Toyota game ng naka-mini shorts! Ika nga ni Coco Martin, Masshhh Yamee!
Tarzan
Dir: Reinhard Klooss (2013). USA, Germany. Kellan Lutz, Robert Capron, Jaime Ray Newman. MTRCB PG.
FEATURED TANDEM: The sexy voice of Kellan Lutz and the 2D version of the King of the Jungle, Tarzan.
BASED ON: Edgar Rice Burroghs’ classic novel of a boy who thinks he’s a monkey (it’s less Disney-fied).
SYNOPSIS: As if showing off his drool-worthy physique in The Legend of Hercules wasn’t enough, Kellan Lutz is back in theaters this week as the voice of one of the most classic characters of our childhood. Just like most of the Tarzan stories we’ve heard as a kid, this 2D Tarzan movie is about a boy who was adopted by a family of gorillas.
He then finds Jane, falls in love with her and discovers his true identity. Together, they explore the long-lost energy-making mineral that brought the Greystokes to Africa years and years ago.
WATCH OUT FOR: A new villain that will make Tarzan’s life worse than finding out he’s not a monkey after all.
BOB ONG SAYS: Wala pa rin yan sa Tarzan and Jane version ni Rene Requestas at Kris Aquino.
ABNKKBSNPLAko?! (SHOWING FEB 19)
Dir: Mark Meilly (2014). Philippines. Jericho Rosales, Andi Eigenman, Vandolph Quizon, Meg Imperial. MTRCB PG.
FEATURED TANDEM: Viva Films and the Bob Ong. Also, Viva Films and many other Pinoy writers with hit novels and comics.
BASED ON: The book, ABNKKBSNPLAko?! Mga Kwentong Chalk ni Bob Ong
SYNOPSIS: Did you know that the book ABNKKBSNPLAko?! is now required reading for all high school students according to a mandate by the Department of Education? We’re not even kidding. Would this film also be mandatory for classroom film-viewing? I bet Crying Ladies director Mark Meilly would love that.
ABNKKBSNPLAko?! stars Jericho Rosales as Roberto, a character which a lot of readers believed is based on Bob Ong himself.
The film chronicles Roberto’s learnings from his school experiences with his friends as well his pursuit for his special someone’s affection, played by Andi Eigenman.
WATCH OUT FOR: The film adaptations of other Bob Ong novels such as Lumayo Ka Nga Sa Akin and the Wattpad-famous-turned-book Diary ng Panget which Viva has successfully acquired and will be releasing this year as well.
BOB ONG SAYS: Eto opinion ko lang talaga ha, pero tingin ko madadaig nito ang My Little Bossings sa takilya eh… Tsaka magte-trending to kahit hindi Throwback Thursday ang opening. Narinig ko kasi magaling daw talaga yung writer. True-to-life story daw kasi to. Pero yun eh sa’kin lang naman.
