As the debate over a new Dove ad swirls, I have to stop and wonder if it really is as terrible as so many are saying it is?
So yes, women got duped into thinking that a “beauty patch” is the answer to true beauty only to be told later on that the patches were a hoax and the reason they felt better is because they embraced themselves.
Honestly, pretty platitudes are all Dove has to offer. It may ring true, but it also rings hollow. Yes, we all know that real beauty is from within—but that is hard to accept that when one is constantly bombarded with images of what beauty should look like.
From the devoted dieter who is resisting the urge to eat a chocolate bar to the model who is worried that she is so last season, everyone wishes that there were a magic cure that will dispel those negative thoughts in our heads. If one could do away with those negative thoughts so easily, then why aren’t we all doing it at this very moment?
I honestly think I would have bought the patch if it were real. It’s not about losing weight or looking good but about how I would feel about myself. Who wouldn’t want to feel confident with minimal effort on their part?
As a former skinny bitch turned chubby chick, I think I have the rare gift of being able to see both sides of the coin at the same time. I have come to recognize that I was never comfortable with myself whether I was thin or fat. I was always self-conscious about one thing or another. My arms are too large, my eyes were too sharp; my barbed tongue isn’t wit but a form of deflection; eating a éclair makes me guilty but not eating it would make me feel deprived.
It then dawned on me that I was trying to fit the image that others were projecting upon me rather than the person I thought I was and it was time to correct that.
We are formed by our experiences, ethics and beliefs—it is what drives us, it is what defines us. As Anaïs Nin put it so succinctly in Seduction of the Minotaur, “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
The fact remains, though, that those women who used Dove’s beauty patch did feel better.
It’s the therapy, I tell you. Self-therapy. They were all asked to keep both a video diary and a logbook of their thoughts and feelings. By the simple process of expelling all those negative thoughts out of your head, you are bound to feel better. Voicing things out in the open, even if it is just to you, is an incredibly freeing exercise.
Nin, more renowned for her diaries than her novels, comes to mind.
If there were one woman I truly believed knew how to embrace and revel in her femininity, it would be Anaïs Nin. The woman wrote about every little mundane detail of her life and it seems to have afforded her some kind of inner peace and clarity of self amidst all the tumultuous turmoil that surrounded her. Writing things out or vocalizing thoughts forces someone, even unconsciously to address the issue.
But where Dove went wrong is to show that one needs a catalyst or an impetus for this change to begin.
Could it be that what we are mad at is not the “duping” of these women but the fact that they showed you the man behind the curtain? Those women were able to change because they had what was essentially a talisman. One woman even admitted to rubbing the patch on her arm! Even if they mostly doubted it would work, there was still hope inside all of them that they would be proven wrong.
What Dove inadvertently taught us was that having something you feel is helping you does wonders.
The placebo effect can be quite powerful, even when you know it is exactly that: a palliative. So what, if it’s all in your head? Aren’t your body issues in your head as well
Confidence comes from being comfortable in your own skin. Find what makes you happy and confident. It doesn’t have to be some thought provoking, eureka moment. Think simpler. Think of what you can do to make yourself comfortable and confident at this very moment. One moment turns into one day, the day to a week, the week to…well, you know where I’m going with this.
Finding my placebo isn’t as difficult as I had imagined it to be. A friend once told me that to get over body issues is to find ways to get comfortable with oneself. If you feel like dieting but lament about how far away losing 20 or 30 or 40 pounds is from this point, the amount of weight you lose initially is actually inconsequential. Even a very tiny change may be enough psychologically.
If I lost three instead of eight pounds in five days, I’d still be happy. It may be a drop in the bucket, but, hey it’s a start and I take my victories whenever I can. Cut yourself some slack. The surest way to defeat the diet is to be so strict with yourself that you’re in a constant state of crabbiness. You’ll cave.
My favorite way to feel confident in a flash, however, is nice underwear.
I don’t mean your best pair of white cotton… good God; I can’t even finish that thought. Forget white cotton. Go for what thrills you: lacy, racy, sweet, or saucy, it’s all good. If you feel sexy in Top Shop She Ra underwear, do it. Foundation is key to nearly anything in life and outfits are no exception.
I can be wearing jean shorts and a ratty shirt but there is some strange confidence that fills me knowing I’m wearing my lovely, silk La Perlas. Some people don armor to get through their day, I don ruffles.
About dressing better: Do not, under any circumstances, buy clothes that are simply okay or passable.
Always buy what you know looks good on you. Edit your wardrobe well and you don’t have to break the bank buying complimentary clothing. As someone who hardly ever wears makeup, or combs her hair for that matter, I understand how much of a pain it is to get gussied up.
Yet the ritual of choosing of the right outfit, the piling of the accessories, the application of makeup, the spritzing of my favorite perfume is always a good way to begin my day. Looking put together helps me feel like I’m put together on the inside, too. That might not always be the case but at least you’ll never look as crappy as you feel inside. I don’t care that I’m just off to do the groceries.
I will dress and go to the swankier supermarket and a have a nice, civilized, Stepford afternoon if that is what will make me happy.
Of course these are all Band-Aid solutions. They are designed for your quick pick-me-ups. If you want real, thought provoking, soul searches, get yourself a diary. Or a psychiatrist.
How do you make yourself feel confident and beautiful? Tell us below.
Photo: Praew Tansanga
