7. The most vulgar spenders are the most skilled scammers
If somebody’s spending money like there’s no tomorrow, ask them where their money came from. Case in point: Janet Lim Napoles and her family. The so-called businesswoman and her family shamelessly flaunted their wealth for years. Then, one day, she was identified as the mastermind of the pork barrel fund scam. In one of her Instagram posts (now deleted), Napoles’ daughter Jeane boasts, “Mom, sissy and I wiped out the Celine store.” Yes, they wiped it out alright, they wiped it out (technically speaking) with our money.
8. It’s less shameful to be out-scooped than to get hoax-ed
When Napoles got hot enough to be covered by the international press, the well-respected news site Huffington Post posted a photo of a woman in a bathtub full of euros. At first, the site claimed that the photo featured Napoles’ daughter Jeane. The image turned out to be a commercially available stock photo. It goes to show that even the best of us fall for the most obvious pranks.
9. It’s OK to get naked for an animal
To protest the fact that an elephant named Mali is forced to exist all by her lonesome at the Manila Zoo, the local arm of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) set up a photo shoot featuring naked models Bianca Valerio, Amanda Griffin Jacob, Geneva Cruz, Daiana Menezes, Sheena Vera Cruz, Mia Ayesa, Julia Sniegowski, Ornusa Cadness, Isabella Gonzalez, and Sanya Smith. They had strategically placed signs covering their intimate areas, of course.
10. You can love your family from afar
The debacle involving what seems like the whole Barretto clan—from the matriarch Inday to her kids Gretchen, Claudine, Marjorie, and the rest—shows us that shared DNA really doesn’t guarantee a harmonious relationship. At some point, if you can no longer stand the dysfunctional things that your family members do, you have to quit trying to pretend that everything is OK. There’s no shame in admitting that your family may be crazier than others.
11. Don’t bring up clan wars during a crisis
Whether he admits it or not, Department of Interior and Local Government (DILG) Secretary Mar Roxas committed a serious mistake when he told Tacloban City Mayor Alfred Romualdez, “You have to remember: we have to be very careful because you are a Romualdez and the president is an Aquino.” Yes, we know he was only saying that to emphasize that Aquino didn’t want to take away Romuldez’s authority as mayor, but why did he even bring that up in the first place? He could have said, “Mayor, you’ve been traumatized. Sit there and let us do the work first.”
12. Don’t wait for the government to help you
If you do, your chances of survival or maintaining your sanity will be less than 50 percent. As the Typhoon Yolanda situation showed us, not all the people running the show know how to make the wisest decisions quickly during large-scale calamities. Sure, there are good guys serving the government. However, they are often made to follow the orders of idiots. Since that’s the case, it’s advisable that we learn to do things ourselves. Or else we’ll end up waiting years for solutions.
13. Bonus lesson
Instead of watching movies like My Little Bossings, watch replays of Sen. Miriam Defensor Santiago’s appearances instead. In 2013 (much like any other year), the lady who eats death threats for breakfast proved to be the most entertaining politician in the country. She spewed out acerbic one-liners and even pick-up lines. The only movie that could beat The Miriam Show is, perhaps, one that would feature the hottest child star of the moment, Ryzza Mae Dizon as a mini-Miriam and Bimby Aquino as a mini-Enrile.
Screengrabs from TV news clips and photo releases
