Tourism Malaysia’s latest ambassador, ex-Liverpool golden boy, current Barcelona superstar striker, and guy who ripped Liverpool’s heart out last night with an assist to fellow former Red Coutinho, Uruguayan Luis Suarez, isn’t just working hard on the pitch — he’s also working hard at promoting our country abroad.
His latest effort sees him try a variety of Malaysia’s finest food fare, while reviewing the burst of tastes, flavors, and textures on his senses in real-time, on camera.
We already know that Suarez is partial to the occasional bite of sweaty human flesh, but what will he make of our beloved nasi lemak?
It seems that Suarez’s flair, fight and finesse on the pitch have left little room for anything else, including facial reactions and descriptive language, despite the video being shot in his native Spanish.
If your chicken isn’t “tasty,” then your rice is “good,” and even if your popiah is a little spicy, don’t worry – it’s still “good.”
Don’t just take our word for it. We’ve taken the liberty of giving you the play-by-play of Suarez’s venture into Malaysia’s culinary delights.
First up is the breakfast classic, roti canai. Think croissant-like layers of dough and fat, crisp wisps that flake as you tear a piece off to dip into spiced curries. When you bite into it, it’s a cacophony of softness and crunch. Rich and warm.
Or, in the words of Suarez you can “like the bread a lot” and the “chicken soup is good, too.”
Buddy, to say that it’s soup is to say that Anfield is a nice garden: it’s a lot more than that, and you’re just trying to hurt our feelings at this point.
Next up is satay. OK, is everyone done arguing over whether satay is Indonesian, Malaysian or Singaporean (go home, Singapore, you’re drunk)? Smokey meat, bits of char mixed with an umami marinade, a peanut sauce that somehow manages to foil with the taste of the chicken without overpowering it. Cucumber on the side gives you a cooling crisp addition to your mouthful, or you can opt for the spicy kick of an onion.
Suarez: “The chicken is tasty.” Anything else? * crickets * OK, thanks.
Perhaps Suarez is more of a noodle man? Why not some char kway teow? A dish that was initially made for laborers keen to get as many calories into their bodies before going back to work has become one of the country’s most beloved meals. Soft strips of rice noodles, sizzling pork fat, chili, belachan, bean sprouts, chives … oh sweet heaven, you have descended upon us.
Suarez?
Daily? Really? We’ll take it. This is basically a Michelin star at this point.
Still hungry? Awesome. Next up is nasi lemak, a concept that our entire country can get behind and agree that we all love. A spicy sambal, crunchy ikan bilis, that creamy rice with an ever-so-subtle sheen after being boiled in rich coconuts milk. There is nothing that we crave more abroad than a good nasi lemak.
Luis, que dices (what do you say?): “Tasty.” Anything else? “Complete.”
And? “Good rice.” (Ed: Did something get lost in translation?)
Cool. How about popiah? Everyone loves those right? And they’re different! Not like the mono-textured spring rolls you find around the world, a mash of stringy, overcooked vegetable, and emulsified meats. Popiah are fresh, with a cacophony of textures and flavors. A muted vegetable provides crunch, while another gives a sweetness to balance the heat.
“Spicy… but tasty.”
Guys – who was in charge of this shoot? We get it – Suarez isn’t Anthony Bourdain. That’s fine. He’s way better at being Luis Suarez, striker, anyway. You know this. Why wouldn’t you at least give him some weird stuff to try, like convincing him that sweet corn is a great addition to your ais kacang or really hitting him with that cili padi?
We’ve had more engaging food reviews from our cat.
Don’t worry, contractually speaking there is still time! Ideas for part 2, courtesy of Coconuts KL, free of charge, because we think there’s potential here:
- Take him to a Liverpool-supporting mamak and see what happens (food + drama = gripping tv)
- Banana leaf next time, no utensils (food + awkwardness = funny tv)
- Dessert tour, no kuih left behind (food + sugar rush = fun tv)
