The Colonic: Malaysian suspect under Australian arrest after defecating over a dozen heroin pellets

A statement issued by the Australian Federal Police earlier today has confirmed that a Malaysian suspect is currently in detention after having been found in possession of over a dozen heroin pellets inside of him.

Officers at Victoria’s Avalon airport initially had pulled the 38-year-old suspect over for a more in-depth luggage examination after he disembarked from a Kuala Lumpur flight on June 25. Inside his luggage, officers found two pellets containing heroin, and began to suspect that the man may also have been harboring the drugs internally.

Border police then contacted the Victoria Ambulance Service, along with the AFP, who took the man into custody, and sent him to hospital for “further medical treatment” aka enough laxatives to leave you bound to the toilet for the foreseeable future. Another 13 pellets were then expelled by the suspect.

“This is the reality of internal drug trafficking; it starts on the streets and ends with a big ole mess in a hospital bathroom. It’s not only disgusting, it’s life-threatening – for both couriers and drug users.

“Internal couriers are used by criminal syndicates to lessen the risk of getting caught themselves.

“They are comfortable sending couriers out knowing they could die if something goes wrong. Do you want to be part of this evil trade?”

Well, when you put it like that AFP – I guess it does sound like a bummer.

“Don’t kid yourself – If you’re buying drugs you’re almost certainly supporting organized crime,” they concluded. OK, AFP WE GET IT — WE’LL STICK WITH FORAGING FOR MUSHROOMS AND MAKING OUR OWN METH, GEEZ. Jokes!

Speaking of jokes, our classy friends down under added a footnote to their Facebook post, and if you’re holding any kind of food-related item, you may want to put it down now.

Police have charged the suspect with importing illicit drugs, will now hold the man in custody until his next court appearance, on September 17. His charge carries a potential sentence of up to 25 years imprisonment.

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