Seen it all, reader?
Or so we thought, until we were introduced to the latest invention from a local, enterprising drink manufacturer, who is now branching out into casual wear, including Islamic shirts that look like regular shirts; and a hat that promises to synchronize you to… your cells? We think. It’s not clear.
First thing’s first: Meet Sihulk, a drink that promises to unite your body to your inherent, cosmic oneness with the universe. Made using FALAK principles, which the makers explain relies on “golden cosmic positioning,” Sihulk promises an organic concoction crafted only when the sun, earth and moon are in perfect harmony with … orbiting satellites.
Somewhere in the afterlife, Galileo is doing a 180 in his grave.
Have you ever wondered why a satellite floats and moves at the same speed as the earth, Sihulk asks.
No, Sihulk – we haven’t. We have enough of a layman’s understanding of gravity, thrust and inertia that gives us the confidence to get on a plane, and also to use Google Earth. But what does that have to do with this drink?
Everything, Earthlings – Sihulk is a blend of honey, water, flowers, sugar, tea, and microbes that guarantee a 100% cell restoration within minutes of consumption. if you don’t believe them, then head over here to their Facebook page, for riveting testimonials and information on where you can quench your thirst.
Unsatisfied with solving just your cellular issues, Sihulk is now branching out to clothing, and their savvy marketers are now hawking a cap not only promising to synchronize your brain and cure you of stress, cirrhosis, migraines, eczema and insomnia, but also promising to give you better ideas.
Better ideas than a fugly synchronicity cap? Sign. Us. Up.
Also, that cosmic enlightenment from a cap will cost you RM1,200 (US$300).
“Islamic” shirts made with the FALAQ method also sound promising. Stopping short of promises curing you of liver ailments, they guarantee to imbibe your sleeves with mystical and magical powers for the bargain price of RM313 (US$76).
Youth looking for enlightenment are also covered, with Sihulk Teenergy available for purchase.
While these products seem to be targeted at Muslim consumers, the makers of Sihulk assure you that Muslims and non-Muslims alike can enjoy this cosmic sugar water.
Malaysia’s “wellness” market is often flooded with products of dubious provenance and far-fetched claims. Makers do not necessarily need approval to put their goods on the shelf, and authorities tend to examine their contents and claims long after they have been available to consumers.
