Happy Monday, folks, and if you’re sitting there wondering what will help see you through this week, well – wonder no more, because we have something to keep you entertained while you contemplate reading Billion Dollar Whale.
Covering Malaysia’s 1MDB financial scandal, the new book breaks down the figures behind the billions of dollars-worth of transactions that allegedly *cough* went from the sovereign wealth fund into various coffers, private Swiss accounts, and the pockets of exorbitant spender, alleged yacht-squatter, and currently wanted fugitive financier Jho Low. It’s a doozy.
However, one man isn’t quite pleased with the narrative based on evidence from banks, several different government’s agencies, and those who witnessed the events themselves, and he’s now got a website to tell you his side.
Ladies and Gentlemen, may we present to you www.jho-low.com, your one-stop-shop for all things Jho, straight from Mr. Low, without any of that one-note noise from legitimate news outlets.
In case you were wondering, Low doesn’t appreciate the “fugitive financier” label he’s gotten over the last few years: He’s a global philanthropist (Ed. Note: Is Jamie Foxx a charity?), investor (Ed. Note: One who “lost” six billion dollars?) and entrepreneur (Ed. Note: Is allegedly pilfering Malaysian coffers some kind of start-up?).
Clearly triggered by a series of books dealing with the financial scandal and his allegedly central role in it, Low refers to Billion Dollar Whale as a “hastily published” book.
Funny, because “hastily published” is exactly how we would describe the eyesore that is his website. You’d think with all that money, someone would have advised Jho that using three fonts on a single page are an eye assault tantamount to traveling economy class, on a commercial flight: Painful and cramped.
Jho’s site currently includes a section dedicated to his various statements to the media (we get it, it’s not your yacht, you just disproportionately care about its future).
Another tab is dedicated to media coverage. While you’d think that this would include various statements supporting his innocence, what you’ll actually find are mostly quotes from Low himself, telling various outlets he’s not guilty.
Curious about the various motions to dismiss sundry suits against him? Jho’s got a section for that, too! There, you’ll also find his lawyers’ dispute of translations of United Arab Emirates legalese, that ruling that a South Jakarta court had over the seizure of (not his!) yacht, as well as a Najib-era document from his then-newly appointed attorney general closing Bank Negara’s investigation into 1MDB.
What’s not there? Any sound explanation over how he funded his insanely extravagant lifestyle.
Jho also includes a personal letter alleging that blogs, published images and unfounded leaks were to blame for his current predicament, as he’s never been “afforded an opportunity to set the record straight.”
Funny choice of words there, Jho.
Hoping that the launch of his website will clear up misconceptions surrounding allegations against him, he wrote that photos from his younger days had been splashed about tabloids, creating a media circus around him.
From the horse’s mouth, he declares that he’s innocent, and like a creepy swinger couple staying at the same hotel as you, he wants everyone to “keep an open mind.”
Alright, Jho. Still waiting on that evidence that Miranda Kerr was your actual girlfriend, and no – it doesn’t count if her manager third-wheeled all of your dates.
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