Not a creature was stirring, not even in Yuen Long
The children were tucked up in their beds on the Peak,
(Of course by their helpers, to their parents they don’t speak)
The Tai Tais wore boots, scarves, hats, jackets, and more,
Because at 19 degrees Celsius, it’s freezing for sure
And Grandma and Grandpa who would normally drink tea,
Were glued to their desktops trading on the HKSE
The government cronies were in offices, their heads quite low hanged,
Wondering how weird it was that they wished for Donald Tsang
CY was somewhere dressed as a Santa Claus,
Or at least dressed in Comrade Red giving thanks to his boss
And students got ready to repeat the carols they sang,
Until Joshua Wong said “let’s do Occupy again!”
Across the harbour a star would be placed on a tree,
And we’d celebrate Christmas or Beatship (let’s see)
But the star that shined brightest was the Starry-eyed ferry,
The worst tourist attraction of all, it’s both smelly and airy
“Wait a second, I’m worst!” the Big Buddha decreed,
“People spend a whole day seeing a Buddha built in 1993!”
But whatever the worst, we all agreed that Christmas cheer,
Is even better than buying a cheap 7-11 beer
And what gives 7-11? You show up in LKF,
To undercut other bars whose workers might end up bereft
You’re their bane of existence, you’re the Grinch, you’re a demon,
How dare you drive them out of business and hurt poor Allan Zeman
And speaking of the man himself, he was trying to sleep,
Lying fast in his bed, counting money, not sheep
And the citizens of Hong Kong thought to all make a wish,
Some for peace, some for horse tips, some for a guy at Volar to kiss
And awake in my bed, I wished as hard as I pleased,
For good Mexican food, good burgers with cheese
Good friends and family, good meals and good wine,
And for all of us to flourish, and for all of us to be kind
Merry Christmas Hong Kong; there’s nothing to fear,
Until another fireworks disaster on Chinese New Year.
Yalun Tu is a writer based in Hong Kong. He wrote The Straight Man column for HK Magazine, and TV scripts for HBO Asia, Channel V, and Fox Movies Premium. You can contact him at yalun.tu@gmail.com or @yaluntu on Twitter.
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