People will go to great lengths to secure their paltry slice of internet fame.
Some steal other people’s photos and pass them off as their own to bolster the illusion that they’re living their #bestlife. Others throw chairs off of 45th-floor balconies in desperate bids for attention and approval. Still others capitalize on national tragedies in their craven efforts to attract eyeballs and clicks.
And then some do really stupid things, like livestream themselves eating what appears to be a very much alive octopus, as one mainland internet star did earlier this year, much to the wider internet’s derision and amusement. For the record, it ended exactly how you’d probably expect: not well for the vlogger.
According to Apple Daily, the woman, identified by some outlets by her social media moniker “Seaside Girl Little Seven,” lives in the city of Lianyungang, in Jiangsu province, and often livestreams herself eating (cooked) seafood.
The 50-second clip was streamed on video-sharing app Kuaishou in March, but only began making the rounds recently, and has since been shared thousands of times by users on the mainland social media site Weibo.
If you’re a little bit squeamish, you might want to skip this video.
Things start off fine, with Seaside Girl happily tucking into one of the octopus’ tentacles, but then things soon take a turn as the octopus quickly makes clear it’s not going down without a fight.
The animal’s resistance is initially a source of bemusement for Seaside Girl — “Look at how hard it’s sucking!” she exclaims, as the cephalopod’s suction-cupped tentacles begin to cover half of her face. Her giggles, however, quickly curdle into panicked cries as the vlogger begins to fully comprehend just how hard that is.
“It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!” she screams. “I can’t get it off, I can’t get it off! Oh my God!”
The mortal struggle between man and beast continues for a while longer, and ends with Seaside Girl finally succeeding in detaching the animal from her lips, cheeks, and eyelids, and tearfully telling viewers, “I’ll eat it in the next video.”
But Seaside Girl’s triumph was a pyrrhic one, as she soon realizes when she finds the octopus’s powerful suction cup-equipped tentacles — used to help them catch prey and, ironically, defend themselves against being eaten — had actually drawn blood on her cheek, prompting her to cry, “My face is disfigured!”
Unsurprisingly, netizens’ reactions to the vlogger’s plight were largely unsympathetic, with many calling her “stupid,” and some describing the incident as “karma.” Others expressed more concern for the octopus, and wanted to know if it was alright. (In fairness, it may have even been dead in the video, as octopuses’ tentacles often continue to move independently after death — the legs literally have, in a sense, minds of their own.)
However, one user in particular seemed to capture the internet’s overarching sentiment rather succinctly: “I’m just wondering, are we supposed to feel bad for her? Because I don’t.”