Ironically, Hong Kong’s densely populated streets seem to beget a high degree of loneliness. But with there being no shortage of people, why are so many people still struggling to find love? Thousands turn to dating apps, each new one promising a gimmick that will find you what you seek, whether it is love or lust.
But before there was Tinder, Grindr or Happn, there were matchmakers, and they’re still thriving despite the onslaught of online dating companies.
Coconuts Hong Kong spoke to three different matchmakers – JJ Wu Chang of Find Love in HK, Violet Lim of Lunch Actually, and Yvonne Yung of Professionals’ Matchmaking Consultancy – to uncover the secrets of this trade and ask them about the current Hong Kong dating scene.
Imagine all the people you’ve crossed paths with. Photo: Find Love in HK
What is the Hong Kong dating scene like?
Yvonne Yung: I think the big problem in Hong Kong’s dating scene is the proportion of girls and boys. When women age, their value in the love market diminishes quickly. But with men, their value goes up as they age. There are a lot of candidates and a huge market, but the availability for the supply is insufficient for the demand in general.
JJ Wu Chang: Hong Kong is so densely populated but the problem is that that you’re consistently surrounded by strangers. This in fact probably makes it even harder to meet people.
Violet Lim: In Hong Kong, more people are spending more hours at work and therefore, they tend to get married later and later in life. In the past, people met their potential partners through introductions by friends. However, if one gets married too late, friends would probably have already exhausted the list of people they can introduce to you.
An extravagant Hong Kong wedding. Photo: Flickr
Describe your job as a matchmaker.
Yung: It’s a very happy job because I develop very personal friendships with my clients. They are very open with their stories and share their own problems and life purposes. It takes a lot of skill to build trust in a short amount of time. I would like to think that we would be friends outside the matchmaking sphere.
Lim: As a matchmaker, we work closely with our singles to learn more about their preferences. What kind of profile, physical and personality preferences do they have? This includes age, education level, religion, ethnicity, smoking and drinking habits, height and build. And personality preferences would include characteristics such as introverted vs. extroverted, spontaneous vs. organised, etc… We meet every one of our clients for face-to-face consultations and this matchmaker’s assessment is very important, because sometimes how clients perceive themselves may be different from how others perceive them. We also take the time to find out about our clients’ past relationships, passions, values and what is most important to them.
How involved are matchmakers?
Lim: We are there for our clients every step of the way, from meeting them first to learning more about their profile and preferences, handpicking their matches, arranging the date, booking the date venue, reminding our clients before the date, and contacting them at the end of every date to get their feedback. Clients will also call us to ask for dating tips or advice and we will help them in any way we can.
Lunch for two? Photo: Lunch Actually
What types of people do you think use matchmaking agencies the most?
Yung: My clients are usually professionals: bankers, lawyers, doctors, entrepreneurs or executives. I would say the quality of the people in my agency is quite high.
Wu Chang: People who are busy. People who have no time to get a drink, people who live generally further from bars or restaurants, or people whose social circles are less defined.
Since they make up the bulk of your clients, how do heterosexual men’s preferences compare to that of heterosexual women?
Yung: In general, men have a bigger focus on appearance. But when they age, they tend to focus and consider the thoughts of women and whether they are able to communicate well. Men often wish that women had their own thoughts and did not heavily depend on other people’s opinions. For women, their standards are a lot more relaxed. They know there is a highly competitive market for them to find men, so as long as a man is decent and the chemistry is there, the potential to date is greater.
Lim: We recently polled 2,000 singles in Asia and asked them about their dating habits. Interestingly, for men, the first thing that would attract them about a potential partner is kind-heartedness. And for women, confidence ranks the highest in their standard.
TimHop, a free Asian dating app. Screenshot: Youtube
Are there more available women that seek to find a partner or more available men? If so, why do you think there is a gender imbalance?
Lim: One reason is that in the past, marriage is seen as a way to financial stability for women. However, with more and more ladies being highly educated and doing well in their careers, marriage is no longer about financial stability. They are looking for someone who is on the same level as them in terms of education level as well as income. There’s a phenomenon known as the “education squeeze”, coined by sociologists. Women tend to marry up and men tend to marry down. Hence, if you put 100 men and 100 women together and ask them to pair up, at the end of the day, the two groups left: the top 20 percent most educated women, and the bottom 20 percent least educated men.
Is there a stigma against going to a matchmaker or to speed-dating events to find a partner?
Yung: When we first started 12 years ago, there used to be a stigma. But now, we are living in an era where people are used to outsourcing things. For instance, when we are going on a trip, we look for a travel agency; when we are looking for a job, we turn to a recruitment agency. So it’s the same with singles who are looking to find love. And as they see that our database has successful professionals just like you and me, they are more open to turning to dating agencies.
Mobile app Happn brings passersby together. Screenshot: Youtube
As we enter into a new era of online dating, do you believe that many people will turn to these platforms rather than actual agencies?
Wu Chang: Datings apps are very limited in terms of what they can do. The matchmaking industry still has its place. There’s a huge trend from going to completely online to going back offline.
Lim: The mobile market has definitely grown exponentially. I don’t see it as competition, but as an opportunity for us to evolve and keep innovating.
What is one piece of advice you would give to people who want to try matchmaking?
Wu Chang: Do your research. A lot of people who have tried matchmaking have ended up telling me a lot of horror stories. Matchmaking is generally unregulated which can be scary because there is no accountability.
Tindering. Screenshot via Youtube
How do you differ from other agencies?
Yung: My agency differs from the rest because I have clients that are professionals in their field of work. I guarantee that every client has a strong background, in their finances and education – these are very high quality people. I also pride in the fact that I don’t do packages. This means my clients will only pay me after each match so they don’t have to feel pressured into paying a big price.
Wu Chang: I spend a lot of time talking to people. Other matchmakers take on 100 clients but I try to minimise that number as much as possible. I would say I’m more hands-on than others. I’m working on just you and getting you to a point, whether single or not, to be comfortable with who you are and to start improving yourself based on your needs and desires. Everyone deserves the right to be “better”.
A screenshot from an ad for Lunch Actually. Screenshot: Youtube
Lim: Lunch Actually is Southeast Asia’s first and largest lunch dating company. It’s a completely offline service, and clients can feel safe and secure because we meet and screen each member in person and verify their identities before we sign them up and send them on dates. One of the reasons why many singles like Lunch Actually is because they can enjoy privacy and confidentiality. Other than their dating consultant and their date, nobody needs to know that they have signed up for a dating service. On the other hand, with online matchmaking sites, often you have to post your photo and profile for all to see.
Matchmaking agencies
Who: Find Love in HK (more info)
What: Matchmaker and Date Coach
Where: 10/F, Room 1003, Yu Yuet Lai Building, 43-55 Wyndham St, Hong Kong (Google Maps)
Contact: : jj@findlovein.hk / 9835 0404
Who: Lunch Actually (more info)
What: Lunch Dating Company
Where: 1202B-03, 12/F, Regent Centre, 88 Queen’s Road, Central, Hong Kong (Google Maps)
Contact: hk@lunchactually.com / 2524 3010
Who: Professionals’ Matchmaking Consultancy (more info)
What: Matchmaking agency for professionals
Where: Level 19, Silver Fortune Plaza, 1 Wellington Street, Central, Hong Kong (Google Maps)
Contact: info@professionals-matchmaking.com / 3972 6591
Got a tip? Send it to us at hongkong@coconuts.co
