Boxing is awesome. I’ve been a fan ever since I watched the Tyson/Lennox Lewis fight at a bar. I was 16 and had a horrible fake ID that said “Yulan Tao”.
They let me in anyway. I shuffled up to the bar and ordered a gin gimlet because somebody told me nobody under 21 would ever order a gimlet. My hands were shaking and I was clearly underage.
They served me anyway. An old drunk pulled me aside and told me never to date a girl who drinks gimlets because you have to pay a lot in order to have sex with her. “Uh, I’m really into this boxing match,” I told him. And from there, I was hooked.
So I wanted to share two boxing-related thingies this week:
-A boxing event I’ll be at and I think you should check-out*
-A summer boxing workout. Get yourself pumped for the fight or just get pumped in general.
The Event
IMPI World Series II. 12 fights: four white collar charity fights, four under card fights and four main MMA fights including one female MMA fight. Date: 31st July. 6:30pm. Details here.
Why I’m going: You’d assume it’s for the cage fights. I’m sure they’ll be fun. But nope. I’m all-in for the White Collar Charity Fights. If you’ve never seen White Collar, it’s the best: a bunch of amateurs who may or may not have any boxing experience hop in the ring for a few rounds.
Most keep their cool; some completely lose their minds and punch wildly and yell and run around in circles. It’s hilarious. Pray that we’ll get two hedge fund guys throwing haymakers and screaming at each other, “Why did you buy those shares, Paul? Did you not understand what effect margin lending would have!?” Oh yeah, then you can watch the actual fights.
Should you drink at the event? Yes. Duh. Of course. And Before. And after.
The Workout***
I asked the IMPI guy to give me the workout he puts his boxers through but to scale it down for plebs who suck at fighting. Here’s what I got:
Cardio Warm-up:
5 minutes jumping rope
20 pushups / 20 squats / 20 burpees
100 Russian Twists
Bear Crawl (20 meters)
Frog Jump (20 meters)
Hold a squat for 60 seconds
Put on your gloves, approach the bag/the face of your enemy:
Jab every three seconds for a minute
Cross every three seconds for a minute
Rest. Breathe. Feel your inner goddess. Have some Gatorade.
Work your way up to 10 jabs, doing one jab, then two jabs, then three jabs in a row. Then ascend the other way, all back down to one.
Same deal for the crosses.
Now Jab/Cross in a combination. 1-10 then 10 -1
Finish with 30 burpees
That’s it. It’s F-ing hard. Some beginners did it with me and we DIED. So try it and die too. And I’ll see you at the fight or in a club and we can box.
*Note: Nobody paid me anything to promote this; I just think it will be fun. So if you want to write to hate mail, please focus it on how my column sucks because I suck, instead of how my columns sucks because I’m a sell-out. I’m talking about you, white man in his 40s who spends his time commenting on Facebook posts. I’m sure you’re a real inspiration to your kids**.
**jk guys I’m just baiting him. I’m assuming he’s too dumb to read footnotes so we’re good.
***This is a workout for beginners. Don’t get your hand-wraps in a twist, hardcore boxers. If you know a better workout STFU and do it. Or post on FB comments and ignore your kids who wonder why daddy spends his evenings on the computer and why mommy moved back to Australia.
