Halloween’s tomorrow! What should you dress up as? Here are some suggestions:
– Suicide Squad.
– Inside Out Characters.
– Any Star Wars Character.
– Any Star Trek Character. You’re an iconoclast.
Photo: Ninian Reid
– Donald Trump. I’m totally sure nobody will do that.
– A person who doesn’t understand sarcasm.
– A Ghost. Two holes in a sheet.
– A Dirty Ghost. Three holes in a sheet.
– A tourist. Wear an I Heart HK shirt with socks and sandals, and keep asking people where the Peak is (hint: go UP).
– A Hong Kong security guard. 1. Put on a uniform. 2. Immediately go to sleep.
– The door girl at Volar. I think her name is Helen. Hey, Helen. Shout-out! Please let me in. It’s getting cold.
– A sexy pineapple.
– A sexy shark.
– A basic bitch. Wear whatever you normally wear to XYZ.
– Group costumes. Potential theme: costumes that were popular three years ago. Dress up like Khaleesi, Don Draper, Walter White, and a Minion.
– An adult colouring book. Do you know that adult colouring books are actually like a huge thing in the US and UK now? Seriously, a colouring book that’s for adults. Like, you’re 50 years old and what, for fun you’re just colouring in some stuff like a five year old kid? I forgot what my original point was.
– A loom. Steal one from a factory. Use it to make your loom costume.
– Get a cardboard “roof” as a hat for your head then glue a bunch of playing cards to a suit. When somebody asks you who you are, say “House of Cards”.
– Get a cardboard “roof” as a hat for your head then glue a bunch of toy cars to a suit. When somebody asks you who you are, say “House of Cars”. When they explain that it’s called House of Cards yell “this house is on FIRE!” then do the whip and nae nae.
– An English teacher. Congregate outside 7-11. Moonlight as a standup comedian.
– An English person. Jeans and a shirt. Drink at a pub in Soho ‘til you pass out. Repeat every Friday, Saturday, Sunday, weekday, and public holidays.
Photo: Wikimedia Commons
– An HK Celebrity Tutor. A business suit. And charge exorbitant prices for offering a questionable service. You can also wear the same costume if you’re a banker or consultant.
Photo: Wikimedia Commons
– A Har Gao. Get really pink and sunburned. Then take off all your clothes and wrap yourself in a see through white trash bag.
– A Xiao Long Bao. Do the same thing but fill the trash bag with boiling water.
– An expat in Wan Chai. 1. Get the biggest belly possible. 2. Head right to Escape. 3. Pretend that you don’t know what Escape is when your wife reads this and asks you.
– Here’s a costume for petite ugly girls: dress up as a Hong Kong apartment. You’re small and nobody wants to be inside of you.
Yalun Tu is a writer based in Hong Kong. He wrote The Straight Man column for HK Magazine, and TV scripts for HBO Asia, Channel V, and Fox Movies Premium. You can contact him at yalun.tu@gmail.com or @yaluntu on Twitter.
