I often wondered this on the many nights I found myself waiting desperately for a ferry, some simultaneous combination of drunk and hungover. I’ve done boys gambling trips, corporate off-sites, coupley weekends, concerts and fights, Fernandos eating fests, and everything in-between. And it’s still difficult for me to answer that basic question we all ask ourselves: Does Macau suck?
The case against Macau sucking
It’s is the Asian epicentre of excess. From gambling to, uh, um, hrmmm, uh, “saunas”, Macau is a great place to head for a weekend or a night of fun.
Immigration is fast and easy – unless you take the Turbojet instead of the Taipa Ferry, idiot – and it’s pretty easy to get around.
The recent influx of luxury casinos and hotels (Venetian / Wynn / City of Dreams / that one where they paid DiCaprio and De Niro like USD10 billion to show up for 10 minutes, offers some glamour – and if that’s not your bag, you can always head to the old city.
Portuguese food is awesome, and you can have wonderful pork, great egg tarts, and seafood.
Recreation-seekers can play a round or two of golf. You can even head to the beach for something fun and oddly devoid of mainland tourists (who are all at the casinos).
The only “real” entertainment is in Macau, so if you want to see Pacquiao, Bieber, Usher, Beyoncé (I’m willing it to happen, so it will happen) you gotta head there, because AsiaWorld is still on that almost super-famous Macklemore level.
In the summer, bring on the pool parties! Hed Kandi and Splash create a booze and dance fest, and you can retreat up to the hotel after, which is 10 times more civilised than shivering out of the event at Wet at the W and taking a shameful taxi back to Pok Fu Lam.
You probably also remember that time you won a few thousand HKDs at the tables – and won’t tell anyone about all the times you’ve lost it all – so you’re a winner at least in the eyes of others (keep telling yourself that, buddy).
It’s a one-hour reprieve from the hustle of Hong Kong, and while there are clearly super shady things going on there, you can just ignore it and wander the city without fear of running into exes at Dragon-i (this excludes concerts, where you’ll see everyone you’ve ever hooked up with, probably at the exact same time).
The case for Macau sucking
Dude, have you been to a concert in Macau? It’s every single person you’ve ever met in Hong Kong, and you’re just waving awkwardly and hoping that the line to the restroom hurries up so you don’t need to make small talk.
Good restaurants require long waits, and while the egg tarts are good, nobody wakes up at 2:00am starving thinking, “gosh, I’d love an egg tart”… while I do that nightly for dumplings, Yardbird Katsu sandwiches, and any Mexican food, except for what’s in Hong Kong.
Old town sucks. There’s like an old church and some crappy alleys and a lot of concrete and you feel like you’re in a second tier Chinese city instead of a romantic spot with old colonial buildings.
Casinos are great but um, you lose all your money.
Pool parties are objectively great, but only if you have rock-hard abs. If not, you’re like “oh no, where do I go, oh no, oh no, I’m such a fat f*ck.” True story: I heard there was a Macau pool party. I asked every guy with a six-pack I had met (mostly at the gym, I wasn’t just rubbing guys’ bellies) if they were going, and every, single one said “yes”. It’s like Mecca to them.
The saunas are insane unless you’re a fan of exploitation, and there’s a lot of hawking and spitting. You never get that Vegas “let’s all party together!” thing going.
Sic Bo is the dumbest game I’ve ever played, and I played Candyland at least 30 times a year growing up.
If you’ve ever lost or deactivated a key card at the Venetian, it’s probably better to charter a boat to the US, because it will be shorter than walking from your room to the Venetian front desk. I’ve absolutely fallen asleep in the hallway outside my door after a night of excess because it was easier than the Long March back to the Front.
Events are fun and really cool, but leaving is scary, stressful and weird. Trying to get back on that ferry while a million other people are in similar, equally confusing lines makes no sense.
That’s my opinion at least. So, are you pro-Macau or anti-Macau? Let me know… or don’t.
Yalun Tu is a writer based in Hong Kong. He wrote The Straight Man column for HK Magazine, and TV scripts for HBO Asia, Channel V, and Fox Movies Premium. You can contact him at yalun.tu@gmail.com or @yaluntu on Twitter.
