I’m not the first one to write about this but I will throw my hat in the ring. Views range from this to this re the “Irish Goodbye”, aka “Ghosting”, meaning you leave a party without saying ciao. You just disappear, like a boss, leaving the party to wonder where the hell you went.
I’m a big fan of this.
I didn’t used to be.
It used to seem rude and insensitive before. One moment you’re out with the guys having wasabi shots, the next moment Sam has vanished and you wait around 15 minutes for him to return from a bathroom he never went to.
There’s probably a shot sitting on the counter for him, one that has been heated to “warm gin” level as you and your friends stare at each other awkwardly wondering who will fall on their sword.
It’s often like that after 2am – nobody really wants to drink but we won’t admit it to our friends. So you’ll take that warm gin and curse Sam, vowing to your drunken self that unless he left to hook up with a girl, there’ll be hell to pay tomorrow.
Of course it’s never like that. You don’t wake up screaming “SAAAAMMM!”. You wake up thinking, ow my head hurts where am I why are my fingers covered in green sauce why are there all these Ebeneezers wrappers next to me nooooooo!
And Sam’s dalliance had no measurable effect on your night whatsoever. With a few notable exceptions (outlined below), disappearing from a group will only help in the positive.
For the ghoster: you get home earlier. You’re not forced to do a bunch of bro-shakes or long, drunken hugs if you’re a girl. You don’t take shots you don’t want. Nobody sees your shame when you fall down on D’aguilar and barrel roll right into the Hagen-Daz.
For the others: you’re not dragging dead wood. You lower the chances somebody vomits by 27 percent. One less cat to herd. You save on the next round of drinks. Fewer awkward goodbyes.
There’s no way to leave easily in the midst of inebriation. You’ll either be dismissed (“okbye”) or cajoled to remain (“come on, one more drink”), either one leaving an odd taste in your mouth – which may just be the bile.
If it’s a dinner party where everyone is leaving then feel free to say your goodbyes, but we’re not really talking about civilised affairs; we’re talking about the nights where you might end up in Buddha Bar, hopefully wearing some sort of Kevlar.
So if you’re going out hard but you don’t have it in you, feel free to just disappear except under the following circumstances:
1/ You’re in a group of three or fewer, unless it’s three and the two remainders are a potential couple.
2/ You’re celebrating something and everyone already agreed to go out hard.
3/ You owe money to people you aren’t super-close with. This can also be a round of drinks.
4/ You have the keys to the airbnb you guys are staying at/passports/cell-phone. This seems obvious but I’ve had to become Drunk Sherlock Holmes many a time at 3am and track down my stuff. That is not fun.
Yalun Tu is a writer based in Hong Kong. He wrote The Straight Man column for HK Magazine, and TV scripts for HBO Asia, Channel V, and Fox Movies Premium. You can contact him at yalun.tu@gmail.com or @yaluntu on Twitter.
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