If I had taken into serious consideration that I would be witnessing genitalia voluntarily being brutalized, I probably wouldn’t have drank that bottle of wine at the networking event the previous night. Hence, my nauseated state when seeking out my appointment at La Nature Bangkok Spa. Luckily for me, the spa was very conveniently located right outside Lumphini MRT Exit 1 and although I was a little worse-for-wear, I arrived in no time at all.
The lady at the Lumphini Park View building escorted me toward the downstairs fire escape stairs. Small, La Nature Bangkok printed signs guided me two floors further into the grey concrete underground. It all felt a bit shady; I almost wondered what I had gotten myself into. Alas, upon entering the doors I found an air-conditioned, brightly painted, slightly bare but lovely and well-kept spa boutique. I was greeted by the lovely IIja, wife of the spa’s Thai owner. There, sitting beside Ilja was my victim, oh excuse me did I say “victim?” I meant “volunteer.” In the interest of protecting the identity of the innocent, we shall refer to him as Mr. T.
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So what are men’s motivations behind this whole waxing preference? Mr.T said he was trying it for personal insight and to try to satisfy his curiosity about the pains women put themselves through for the sake of beauty.
Other men I spoke with said it was done at the behest of their significant others and that foreplay was more enjoyable when hair-fee. “My penis looks huge,” was another “sizable” inducement. Some simply enjoyed the sanitary feeling of being bare down there, stating, “We live in this sweltering city, you know itchy sweaty pubes is not fun for anyone”.
It was not easy finding virgin waxees to participate. Mr. T was the only man brave enough to have his genitals prodded, pinched and poked but most of all, stripped violently of his precious pubic hair for the good of this column. Bravo, I say, bravo.
Looking rather relaxed and nonplussed, Mr.T and I went briefly over the waxing procedure with Illya. I lobbied for Mr.T to have the “HOLLYWOOD,” meaning everything off! Without flinching, he most generously obliged, although I did see a flicker of panic when they applied the wax directly onto his penis (more on that later).
In the waxing room lay one simple massage bed, a shelf stand with wooden applicators and covered wax pots that are continuously heated. The two-woman staff ushered us into the room and instructed Mr. T to strip his bottom half and lay on his back, offering him a “token towel” that would wind up providing him roughly two-to-five seconds of privacy.
They placed a full-sized pillow under his head and two narrow ones under his knees, positioning him bow-legged. The two women then proceeded to inspect him by fiddling and maneuvering his bits, judging where and how much of the hair was to be annihilated.
I was impressed by the staff’s complete lack of modesty. It was all business at the front (and later at the back), with an occasional dazzling smile to settle anybody’s nerves. I’d been informed that almost half of their clients were men, often foreign and heterosexual to boot. Wives would often come to wait as their husbands got their monthly genital bashings. After a few weeks of strange men continuously exposing themselves, one would naturally reach a point of desensitization.
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When the inspection was complete, they cleaned the area with product then sprinkled it lightly with some standard-issue talcum powder. One woman took the warmed-up wax roller applicator while the other stretched back the desired part of skin and separated bits that may get in the way.
First was the inside of his thighs. As she applied the cotton cloth strips to the waxed hair I waited for a yelp as she ripped away the cloth, but nothing. Then they covered the pubic bone area and even some on the actual penis. Still, no reaction. Mr.T mused, “It’s a bit like a plaster being ripped off my crotch. Not particularly pleasant but it doesn’t hurt at all, I’ve had massages that are more painful than this!”
Mr.T, a self confessed weakling with zero thresholds for pain, seemed to be impressed himself. That was until the staff asked him to get into the “humiliating position” – a phrase of Mr. T’s own invention.
Think of lying of your back but with your legs dangling in the air and your thighs and buttocks spread wide apart while two women inspected the hairy condition of your anus. The pre-waxing procedure started again but this time the hardcore wax came out. It was the silicone beige hot wax, opaque and shiny like burnt mannequin plastic. A dollop was taken onto the wooden applicator then applied liberally onto his skin.
Gloveless, one of the women would peel at the wax’s edge, once it solidified (10 seconds later); she’d grip it tightly then pull back hard at the wax. “Eeek,” he cried, finally! Later Mr. confessed that he rather enjoyed his hairless behind and would likely make plans to return, if he weren’t so lazy and the price was right he added.
Watching the staff, I curiously asked Mr.T if there was a potential of becoming aroused. He said indeed but simply as a physiological reaction to having your private parts fondled. That could potentially arouse any man or woman.
When Mr.T’s testicles and backside were complete they let him lay back down comfortably to tweeze at the remaining stray hairs. And then unbelievably from his mouth came, “Can you do my ears too?” He wanted more! They continued to complete his underarm, upper crotch and his ears, which were oddly hairy. Lastly, they applied soothing lotions and cream to his pinkish skin. So after the 20-minute process, Mr. T left a tad raw but quite thankful for the experience. And even more curious to what his pending date may think of it.
After such a fascinating and dare-I-say enjoyable afternoon, after which my headache was driven away by obligatory voyeurism, my conclusion would be to say to anyone man curious about waxing their sensitive parts should just go for it! It’s much less painful than the myth maketh you believe. These waxing spas are usually if not always meticulously clean, the staff is kind and professional, plus most importantly, everybody I’ve spoken to seemed to love their new smooth-skinned results, including those ladies (or men) who got to fully appreciate it.
Special thanks to my volunteer and Ilja and the team at La Nature Bangkok +66(0)2 677 65 30.
A Bikini costs THB500, Brazilian/Hollywood THB600-1000, depending on the amount of work that needs to be done. Not all of us were created hairless equals.
Photos: Samantha Proyrungtong
