I have really messy surfer-style hair and a penchant for wearing short shorts, so naturally I assumed I would be excellent at flow boarding.
Actually, if I’m honest, I thought I would be awful because I have trouble enough balancing on solid ground, let alone when standing on a wet board that’s being pounded by fast-flowing water.
Regardless, I’d seen my friends in action at Flow House and I thought it looked like fun. Flow House is Bangkok’s only simulated surf machine and, when it’s a searing 35 degrees outside, there’s really no better way to spend your baht than on an hour of getting utterly soaked and making a fool out of yourself. It certainly beats heading to a mall for a blast of aircon.
Because I’d been as an observer (and, admittedly, spent the whole time laughing at wipeouts whilst drinking beer and munching on fries), I knew that a bikini was a no-go at Flow House. For my session, I wore a sports bra, vest top, bikini bottoms and board shorts and still nearly lost them while in the middle of wipeouts. Moral of the story: wear something that covers you well and fits you well enough that it’s not going to slip off when you inevitably come crashing off the board.
Seven hundred and fifty baht buys you a shared hour of boarding Flow House. As I went during an off-peak hour, I wound up sharing my time with two other neophytes. The girl ended up chickening out and barely getting on the board, while the guy was whipped off his board as frequently as I was.
The first few times I stood on the board, I was flipped straight off. I tried to affect a sense of humor about it. There are always a few bystanders openly laughing at new flow boarders and I wanted to appear devil-may-care despite inwardly berating myself for my failed attempts.
The hour’s session comes with on-the-board instruction. At first, I thought the instruction was highly unhelpful, as my teacher spent most of the time admonishing me to, “Just relax! Relax!” However, after falling off the board several times and realising it didn’t hurt one bit, I did relax a little. I stopped looking like a scared cat stuck up a tree and loosened up. I put my weight on my back leg and, presto, I could stay upright for a bit. I could even look around and talk to the instructors.
For the first half of the session, I was given a rope to hold on to, which helped me keep my balance. As I gained confidence moving side to side, I was able to let go of the rope. One second of upright surfing turned into 10, 20, 30… I progressed much more in one session than I expected to. I honestly thought I’d just stick to body boarding because staying upright on a moving board seemed too challenging. I felt proud when I at last made it upright, thanks in no small part to the dedicated help of the instructors. They flattered my ego by asking me if it was my first time trying the sport, and telling me I’d done well. I went home with an inflated ego and only one, tiny bruise.
Flow House
A Square, Sukhumvit 26
Difficulty Rating: 3/5, Mastering the basics is easy if you’re prepared to fall off a bit.
