A tiny part of me resents being a writer because that tiny part knows I’ve missed out on my destiny: to be a prima ballerina at the Bolshoi. Ok, so I’ve only done a handful of ballet classes since I was toddler, but, in my heart, I know if my mum had been a little pushier, I would be a painfully thin and overworked ballerina by now.
As it is, I am a rounded-bottomed girl who sits at a laptop all day and types. But that isn’t to say I don’t put on exquisite ballet performances alone in my bedroom. I also work the leggings and leg warmer look really well.
So, with my head full of dreams of sugar plum fairies I headed to Studio Zoom to see if a) they recognised my ballet talents and b) it was too late to become the next Darcey Bussell.
After a major crisis about what to wear to the class (I wanted to channel Natalie Portman’s Black Swan off-duty ballerina look, but I failed), I turned up to find five, lithe ballerinas and the teacher, Patrice, limbering up.
After an impressive display of the group’s bendiness, it was time for a little bar work. Patrice showed us a few sequences step-by-step. Physically, nothing seemed beyond my capabilities: a little toe pointing, some plie’s etc. However, remembering the (admittedly not very advanced) choreography had me a little confused. Although, I must point out that I’m ALWAYS confused by even the simplest of dance moves, which may hinder my ballerina dreams somewhat.
Bar work was lovely. I copied the girl in front, and, although I couldn’t remember even the tiniest part of the short sequences, I was enjoying feeling balletic and graceful as I cloche-d and arabesque-d my way through the tinkle-y piano pieces. At the end of a few of the sequences, Patrice jokingly reminded us not to “boogie woogie” in ballet. Although he didn’t pick anyone out, I looked down at my big hips and suspected they were the bootyliscious culprits in this crime against ballet. I reminded myself that I was to channel Svetlana Zakharova, not Nicki Minaj, and made a more determined effort.
After bar work and a few more minutes of stretching and watching the more advanced dancers in the class sink down into the splits, Patrice put together a few sequences on the floor. It was beautiful to watch the more experienced women in the class glide across the room looking elegant and poised. I’m quite sure it was less impressive to see me thumping my way across the room with all the grace of a charging rhinoceros but, despite this, I still felt a thousand times more feminine than I do pumping iron in the gym; wafting my arms between first and fifth position, balancing on my tiptoes and delicately arching my back during one of the sequences felt beautiful, even if it didn’t look it.
We finished the class with a few minutes of pirouetting across the room. Pirouettes sound pretty hard and, in reality, they’re even harder than you think. To stop yourself from feeling sick as a parrot by the time you reach the opposite side of the room, you have to keep your gaze on one static object, which is easier said than done when you’re turning 360 degrees and feeling a little unbalanced. Needless to say, I ended the class feeling a little queasy.
I may have to take a few more classes before I pack up my life and head to Russia but, in the meantime, I’ll be getting my ballet fix at Studio Zoom.
Difficulty Rating: 3/5. The choreography is certainly challenging, but physically, most people in good shape could manage the basics.
Adult Ballet (all levels), Wednesday 10:30am to 12pm at Studio Zoom, Bio House, Sukhumvit 39.
First time THB400, THB550 after that (packages available as well)
