COCONUTS CRITIC’S TABLE – A few years ago I wandered into an unassuming Thai noodle cafe on the edge of San Francisco’s post-apocalyptic urban themepark, known locally as the Tenderloin. I don’t know what drove me into a Thai restaurant while on vacation from Thailand. I suspect it was fear: this Brit was a bit tender for the ‘loin. Anyway, I remember little about the restaurant save being pleasantly surprised by the kuai tiao tom yam, which stayed pretty faithful to the kind of thing you’d find at a Bangkok street stall. I marvelled: the standard assortment of weird mechanically-reconstituted fish products and crispy noodles was all present and correct. The big difference, of course, was the size of the dish. Presented with this very American serving, your average Thai family would no doubt have asked for serving bowls, shared it between five, and not uttered a word of complaint. Try serving Thai-sized dishes in America and, well, you’d have a lawsuit on your hands before you could even stutter, “…but these portions are authentic.”
With this in mind, it was weird to find myself in that very same noodle cafe’s new sister restaurant on the corner of Wireless and Ruamrudee: Osha Bangkok. The Thai-owned chain – there are several branches in San Francisco – has thus gone from that city’s roughest neighborhood to one of Bangkok’s swishest. And making that transition seems to have endowed the new place with a certain exuberance. This restaurant is utterly preposterous, in a way I can’t quite bring myself to dislike. The towering entry hall; the shelves of Moet flanking the threshold; the ceiling projections of the Ramakhian; the gargantuan golden staircase that spirals into the main dining room – it’s all so unashamedly over-the-top. It’s as if they turned the ‘Thainess’ dial up to 11, and threw in some nouveau-riche crowd pleasers for good measure. Quite why this happened is unclear, though it wouldn’t surprise me if the owners took one look at Bangkok’s rent and furnishing prices and asked each other, incredulously: “Have you seen what we can afford here”?
Excessive it all may be, yet somehow Osha gets away with it: probably because the cooking at this restaurant – whose name means ‘delicious’ – is very good indeed. In making their coals-to-Newcastle move to Bangkok, the company shrewdly chose to partner with Thaninthorn Chantrawan, the “Iron Chef” of the TV show of the same name. The cuisine is billed as “authentic Thai with molecular twist” – surely the culinary pinnacle of Having Your Cake, And Eating It. But all this is by-the-by, as almost everything we tried at Osha Bangkok, from the cocktails to the 1,500-baht phat kraphrao, was, well, “Osha”. I’m just glad I wasn’t the one paying.
It’s dangerous to order a Bloody Mary in this city, as they have a tendency to be nothing short of revolting: high on lime, low on the stuff that gives the drink character – Tabasco, Worcestershire, horseradish, pepper. Osha’s Tom Yam Koong Bloody Mary (THB355) suffered no such deficiencies. The Hanuman Gin Fizz (THB355) was similarly bold and well-executed, with rosemary and lemongrass infusing Tanqueray gin to refreshing effect.
“Dancing king prawns” (THB380), described as a “prawn ceviche”, was a beautiful dish inspired by kung chae nam pla, Thailand’s own ceviche-like raw shrimp dish. Bright concentric rings of finely sliced cucumber and radish surrounded the shrimp, which was topped with a glacial chili-cilantro granita: a Thai seafood nam jim turned into sorbet. This was in no way “authentic” Thai cuisine, but so bloody what. You could say the same about the deep-fried calamari (THB200), which came in a well-seasoned, crispy crumb batter accompanied by some very non-native jalapeños.
Volcanic Beef, priced at a cool THB1,500, is billed as the restaurant’s “signature”. It could also be called a 50-dollar phat kraphrao. And, in keeping with the setting, an absurd thing it is. The dish arrives in a chunky stone pot sitting on a hefty log, leaving all but the very long-of-torso practically eye-level with the rim. It’s almost as if by raising the height of the thing, the chef hopes to convince you of its value. Again, despite the basil leaves and chillies, this is certainly not what you’d call an “authentic” phat kraphrao: the sauce is thick with what seems like oyster sauce, chilli jam and more sweetness than is in any way standard. But the flank steak is melt-in-mouth tender, and the overall effect is excellent. Whether it’s right to put quality steak in a stir-fry like this is another argument. It’s a gimmick of a dish, and the gimmick, really, is the price. But if you have cash to burn, dive in.
Most impressive of all, though, was the Lamb Massaman (THB550). It’s hardly a rare dish these days, but this was possibly the best I’ve tasted, period, coming with a fat shank of tender lamb, making it much better value than the aforementioned Beef Mount Etna. The peppery gravy, finished with a dusting of shaved almonds, is less sweet than massaman tends to be, and thus much more to my taste. You must eat this.
As is often the way in Thai restaurants, the fun faded when it came to the desserts, of which there weren’t many to choose from. The crust on the Coconut Creme Brulee (THB280) was far too thin, meaning there was none of the glass-smashing fun you expect. What lay beneath was a lacklustre egg custard that tasted hardly at all of coconut. The special, “Sweet Tooth” (THB280), was better: sliced khao mao tot (deep-fried battered bananas in rice grain) paired with a banana ice-cream. Incidentally, the staff are a little overly keen on shooting for up-sales. We had already noted this when, half-way through the desserts, a waiter leaned over my shoulder and hissed in my ear, “dessert wine, sir?”. We could only laugh. Still, I’d eat here again in a flash. Anyone offering?
Coconut’s Critics Table reviews are written based on unannounced visits by our writers and paid for by Coconuts Bangkok. No freebies here.
FIND IT:
Osha Bangkok
99 Wireless Road
Lumphini
Dan Waites is the author of Culture Shock! Bangkok, a guide to the culture, customs and expat life in the Thai capital. Follow him on Twitter: @danwaites
