Does eating Thai food make you gay? It’s a question everyone who lives in Thailand has no doubt pondered at one time or another. I know I have. Funnily enough, the guys at Christian website Christwire have tackled this key question and come up with a definitive answer: “God, yeah”.
In an article entitled “Thai Food and Homosexuality: The Shocking Link”, Christwire scribe Stephenson Billings lays out in stark detail the links between Thai cuisine and “the homosexual community”:
Enter into any Thai restaurant and you will encounter a homosexual. Sometimes they are alone; often they come in groups shrieking at ear-piercing levels over abundant glasses of fruity cocktails. They sashay around the tables, flirting shamelessly with their waiters. They tell raunchy stories for everyone in the establishment to hear. Why do they love this painful and absurd cuisine? Does punishing their intestines excite their perverted sexual personas? Is it because such environments visibly approve of their elaborate lifestyle choice? In a Thai restaurant, the homosexual thinks he can let his hair down. These rich, indulgent dishes are like a drug, packing a strong dose of energy into each little bite. This fuels the excess that inevitably follows. Next stop is the late night disco or an intense session of man on man penetration discharged into the early dawn. Yes, the undeniable underside of Thai food is that it goes hand in hand with the complete destruction of masculine morality.
Billings describes himself on the site as “an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children’s Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package!” Articles on the site have such titles as “Computer Games: Bootcamps of the Dark Lord”, “Atheists Create Land Walking Octopus to Trick More Children into Bogus Evolutionary Beliefs” and “Atheist Math Teachers Will Force Your Children to Learn “Irrational” Numbers.” Sound ludicrous? That’s because Christwire is a satirical website dedicated to winding up the gullible and mocking the more hysterical members of America’s Christian community.
Alas, not every web user’s irony detector was keen enough to spot Christwire’s satirical bent, and the comments below the article are, for our money, a treasure trove of hilarity.
Here was the pithy “Pebrocks The Atheist”: “I love Thai food and I’m not gay. Your argument is invalid.”
From the Christian camp was “hislove”, who claimed to be on the board of “a private family business that runs several Christian radio stations in the USA”: “I believe JESUS exist and I believe Thai people are not all gay and Thai food is not gay. I believe JESUS would have ate Thai food, Praise his name.”
And most thorough in his debunking of Billings’ thesis was “chuck opteron”:
“what i gathered from your article is your totally ignorant of most of asia, peoples, cultures, and foods.trying to tie homosexuality with thai food is lame. nothing about the food is gay. not all people who serve or deliver thai food are or act homosexual. being waited on is not gay. having fast food delivered to your home is not homosexual. this article appears to be more a desperate attempt for a paycheck than anything related to any reality. the way you interpret what you see is perverted. i truly hope no one lets you near their children, your mind is badly warped.”
Thanks guys! I think we can safely say it now: Thai food does not make you gay. Can’t we?
