Bad romance: What it’s like to dive headfirst into the shallow end of the Singaporean dating pool

Photo: Pexels
Photo: Pexels

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If you’ve been part of the online dating scene for a while, you might be all too familiar with the ghosters, scammers and everything in between. The truth is, the Singaporean dating scene is already complicated as it is, only made worse with the sheer number of dating apps available right now.

Is it us, or has dating apps just made it way easier for the crazy amount of weirdos out there to get in touch? The Carpal Tunnel Syndrome you probably have from swiping through all those profiles probably doesn’t help either.

Maybe you’ve been hurt before and you’d like to know you’re not alone. Or maybe you’re just keen to revel in the pain of others. Either way, gather round ‘cause we’ve put together some riveting tales from three Singaporeans that illustrate the colorful and frankly, questionable human specimens available in the dating market.

*Stories have been edited for length and clarity, and names have been changed.

Photo: Pixabay

God(frey), is that you?

“I finally matched with this hot guy after swiping for ages. We got to talking and it was going well before my friend sadly pointed out that he had been catfishing me with photos of Taiwanese model and actor Godfrey Gao. I decided to play along, even suggesting that we meet up just to see how this would play out.

Nearer to the date, he started freaking out as he definitely looked nothing like Godfrey. He finally came clean and said something along the lines of, “Uhh so… I don’t look like my photos”, to which I responded that I knew. It got really sad really quickly though, as he started talking about how he was only doing this because of his low self-esteem. I definitely pitied him, but ended up ghosting him after a while. How else did he think this would end?”

— Fifi, 29.

Talk Singlish to me

“I was talking to this Australian guy while overseas and I mentioned I was Singaporean. He replied saying that he had lived in Singapore for a year and a half and we started trading fun Singaporean anecdotes. I thought it was going well until he hit me with a “Please don’t talk Singlish to me… it’s quite off-putting”. I’m not sure if he knows his grammar was more off-putting.

I’m not sure why and how, but he started getting real comfortable with criticizing Singaporeans to my face. He then proceeded to shit on our accents, saying it sounded harsh out of context, going on to describe it as “nails on a chalkboard-esque”. Needless to say, we never talked again — in Singlish, English or any other language for that matter.”

— Sarah, 22.

This next one may not be a straight-up dating horror story, but we hope you’ll agree it’s scream-worthy. In this case, this poor soul didn’t even have to go on a date before the dating app left him vexed. We’re sure some of you can relate.

Photo: Pexels

My own best friend swiped left on my happiness

“I had scrolled through Tinder for a long time with no expectations when I finally found a girl that I was immediately attracted to. She was definitely my type, tanned, sporty and with a really witty profile to boot. I couldn’t believe my luck, and I had to show my best friend, who, while skeptical of dating apps, had been rooting for me to find someone. Just her profile pic alone had me picturing a lifetime ahead of us. I even remember hoping our kids would have her eyes. She was just that beautiful! It all went downhill the second I passed my phone to my best friend. He swiped left on her with his own betrayal-filled thumbs! The girl of my dreams, gone in a second just because my idiot friend couldn’t hold a phone properly. I didn’t talk to him for about a week.”

— Jared, 29

We’re sorry if reading those stories brought up painful memories. Instead of leaving your love life to chance (and rather questionable odds) though, maybe you’d like to try leaving it in the hands of some qualified dating experts. Enter Lunch Actually, the dating service that wants to help you find the one — instead of you having to swipe till your thumb swells from lack of quality fish in the sea.

With over 5,000 successful couples matched across Southeast Asia, Lunch Actually promises to filter for quality with a four-step dating program, tailored to each individual. You probably won’t have a story of your own to rival those above as the dating experts over at Lunch Actually promise you’ll only meet pre-verified (no more catfish!), compatible profiles handpicked just for you. If you’re tired of the sixth Godfrey Gao profile you’ve swiped left on in the same hour, it might be worth a shot.

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