2 Chainz, Block Chainz: Dato’ Vida has a new cryptocurrency dropping

via YouTube
via YouTube

Our favorite purveyor of (some!) toxic skin-whitening creams, (some!) ineffective tinctures and (many!) wild ideas, Datuk Seri Hasmiza Othman, aka Dato’ Vida, aka DSV, is back from her stalled music career with a new business proposal for her fans.

What do the government of Venezuela, garlic bread, UFOs and our very own DSV have in common?

Dear reader, they all have themed cryptocurrencies available for investment, and should you fancy getting in on DSV’s Lavida Coin, she’s floating it at US$0.66 on the dollar (RM2.71).

Any takers? Hello? Anyone?

The one-time football team owner, self-professed Louis Vuitton collaborator, parfumier and legal self-representor doesn’t just sell you skin products with enough mercury to make you bald. She also sings — SAYANG. SAYANG. SAYAAAAANG.

And now, she’s got a few ideas on how to handle your finances.

Unfortunately, DSV may not have investors chomping at the bit after recent financial reports have articulated that the blockchain bubble has effectively burst.

With the entire market losing 75% of its value, now hovering at near US$200 billion, industry tome The Financial Times wrote only four days agp that the speculative boom days are over.

Even Bitcoin, the original and most valued cryptocurrency on the market has seen its value plummet from a high hovering near US$20,000 (RM80,000) to its current range between US$6,000 and US$8,000 (RM24,000 – RM32,000).

However, our favorite I Am Me songstress remains the ever-optimist, forecasting that if you invest NOW, by Christmas you’ll see its value sore higher than the initially projected height of the Tun Razak Exchange building.

Speaking to local media outlet Utusan Malaysia, she has explained that she “can’t help every person by handing out money,” so instead publicans, she wants you to hand over your money back to her. Genius, DSV. Genius.

One of the wider issues with cryptocurrencies has been their acceptance across different platforms, and not to worry — Dato’ Vida has you covered on that one: The Lavida Coin is to be used as a platform for her new e-wallet service, LavidaPay.

Just when you thought Vida might be behind the curve, buying up all the tulips only after everyone’s realized they’re just bulbs, she comes at you with some fintech Jedi moves.

Never change, DSV.

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